testimonies
Friday, June 24, 2011
-10:29 AM
Haven't written anything for really long! Life's been alright, I guess. Some good, some bad. I really should be studying now! I haven't started bio or chem (still), whoops.
Just a quickie then. Definytion's starting in 2 weeks! I am so, so excited about this, really. I hate to say this, but having been around since 2006, there's so much in IGNYTE that's changed. Some for the better, but some for the worse as well. More than that, there's been this feeling of barriers everywhere we turn, as a ministry. Even after camps and stuff, they come down, but then somehow they go back up again. Really praying that through Definytion, God will move powerfully among us and tear down these walls. Good for the younger ones too :)
Alright, I really should go study now xD
Sunday, December 5, 2010
-3:05 PM
Haven't blogged in a while. Shows that I'm a rainy day blogger. But life's good man :D I've been pretty carefree, and I've been having so much fun. There's something on my mind, but I already know I should just surrender, and put God first. Easier said than done though. It's hard to get it all out of my head. And even harder to still continue building it (rooted in Christ of course), while still putting God first. Hahaha I'm talking in codes again, whoops.
In terms of my walk with God I honestly think I've been a little stagnant. I would like to grow a lot more. There's so much passion- where is it? I need to do a whole rediscovery :D
I don't know why, but I've this nagging feeling that I need to do so much more thinking about my life, and this feeling that I've been letting life go by without thinking anything about it.
Then there's IH. I'm leaving in 3+ months and I'm definitely having mixed feelings about it. It's funny how God works, really, but I thank God for it all, because it helps me challenge myself, and check my motives at every juncture. There was this time I really wanted to join worship, and my intentions weren't right, so God didn't allow it. This time I'm really not dying to go in there, but I've been called :D Then again, joining IH was... similar. Something I wasn't dying to do, but sensed I should do, and with all boldness, I just jumped into. And I never regretted. It has taught me so much :)) Much as I know that the time has come for me to leave and I've been doing lots of thinking about it, I will miss this ministry that's so close to my heart. The leaders and youths closest to me are nearly all in this ministry. Seniors I respect, juniors I see so much potential in, peers I have grown with, leaders I have shared so much about myself with... WHAM here come the memories! It's been an awesome 3 years, and there's always so much to learn and experience. Thank God for IH :D As for worship min, I'm excited and scared. Keys definitely isn't my forte. I'm pretty fresh when it comes to improv, and I have absolutely no formal training in anything non-classical, let alone any experience playing in a band! (Oh and I think I'm gonna go deaf soon.) But I love new beginnings, and new seasons, so while I feel sorta out-of-place and all, I eagerly await what the Lord will do in our midst :D
HAHA I would definitely like to write a list of New Year's Resolutions this year. Yeah sounds good. Yay.
Okay I'm turning weird. Buhbye :D
Thursday, November 4, 2010
-6:26 PM
Tribute to RGS memories
Yeah, that's what they are now, I guess. Memories. Anyone would know that I am not one to emo about things xD And that's right, because this is not an emo message ;D
Frankly, as I stepped into school this morning, the first thing that struck me was this: "Has my RGS experience really been that great? Why don't I feel anything?" I'm serious, that's how I felt. But as the day passed I began to become more aware of some things I always took for granted, and memories came back. I won't say I feel sad about leaving, but I definitely feel nostalgic.
This is probably quite politically incorrect, but I'll say it anyway. RGS as an institution means practically nothing to me. Rather, it is the people in RGS, be they teachers, or students, that define my experience, and that in turn, make the institution meaningful.
Let me begin with my dearest class 414. It's the most awesome class I've ever had, really really really. I loved it from the start, and now I only love it more. Never have I been in a class so close, so funky and so... awesome, really. It's hard to describe, but there are so many characters in the class, so different as individuals, but united as a class. I never felt a sense of competition, just that of collaboration, and I guess that's pretty rare in RGS. Lessons were really (ridiculously) fun and enjoyable, and studying for exams was a lot more tolerable too. I find it really interesting because although there are cliques and stuff, our class is still amazingly inclusive, and we do a lot of stuff together :D
And of course there's also our teachers. I've been blessed with so many fantastic teachers. Teachers so dedicated, so genuinely concerned about their students, so knowledgeable, so intelligent, so cool, must certainly be hard to come by! In particular, I'd say the teachers who made the greatest impact on my RGS life would be Mr Alvin Tan, Zhang Lao Shi, Miss Kum, Mr Lim, Mrs Mak, Miss Sally Wong, Mr Xu and Miss Sharon Ong. But kudos to all my teachers, because they have all been awesome. I feel like listing them so I'll never forget them, but, hehe, might not be such a good idea after all xD.
Okay come to think of it, RGS isn't just about the people la. There are some defining moments and stuff that I will never forget as well. I think it can be summed up in this: RGS to me is a land of opportunities, or as I penned in the graduation song, chances galore. This is probably the thing love most about it. In so many places, who you are (and how much moolah you have) changes everything. But in RGS it doesn't, or at least, it matters a lot less. You can do nearly anything you want, as long as you have the passion and the determination to push on. There are so many things you can choose to do, and it's this about RG that I love. In the course of my 4 years here I've gone for a month long overseas immersion programme, learnt a whole bunch about glorious glorious music, learnt about God in GB, learnt the guitar and keyboard in GB, had the chance to organise various events and meet people, participate in conventions, campaign for head prefect (and go through many other interviews), gone for OBS, performed a bit, learnt the catwalk, and more. But the biggest thing I regret is not making full use of these opportunities. I barely auditioned for anything in RG, usually out of concern for my grades. Sometimes, I wonder, perhaps I could have used my opportunities better. But then again, there's only so much one can do.
Okay this is super incoherent and boring and drony I'm getting bored of myself. Bye. RGS was a great 4 years.
-5:29 PM
I am truly blessed. It's a bit early to do a 2010 review, but it's been good and I wanna say it before I lose the thought. It's been by far the toughest single year of my life (okay on second thoughts maybe 2003 takes the cake but it's a tough fight anyway) but 2010 is a year that really grew me a lot. I guess some of you might know that 2007 was a really good year for me. 2010 was... better :D I don't judge years by how smooth-sailing they've been. Rather, it's probably been all the trying times that make years memorable. Of course, I'm probably only saying this because things have gotten better (though not entirely, because it's still a hugely precarious situation).
I've learnt many things this year, but I know this for sure: I've learnt to see that I am so, so blessed. And Miss Tan's speech to the class of 2010 reminded me of this.
I am blessed because no matter what I go through, I have people by my side who genuinely care about me, and I have people who will not only listen and encourage, but turn me to Christ and help me to realign my focus. I am blessed because God has given me so much. I am blessed because of the joy I have in my heart. I am blessed because the things I go through aren't just tough stuff that make me miserable but situations that make me better and stronger.
2010 has taught me just that. Of course there are some things about the year that I regret, like wasting time on useless things, not spending enough time catching up with the people I love, drifting from God at times... But I guess regrets are just but part and parcel of all of life's goodness, haha.
Come to think of it, I've done and been through quite a few things this year. It's been good la, and I thank God.
Oh a few more things actually. We sang "Counting on God" last Sunday, and it was yet another reminder of the Lord's grace and provision over my life. He has been so good to me, really, really, really.
By the way, I stopped blogging because my life got smoother and I stopped needing an outlet. Till now, at least. I wanted to put this on FB but didn't have the guts. FB has way too many people for me to express a personal reflection.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
-12:44 PM
I need some air, and someone to talk to. Which shouldn’t be a problem, except it means I either explain everything from scratch to Sis Ann, or bug the others with more of the same thing XD
GRAWRRR. GRAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
You know, it actually feels better seeing the Rs appear on the screen. Let’s do it again.
GRAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
^^
I feel so uneasy about all of this. There’s a nagging uncertainty ><
Oh, I didn’t mention. The confusion too. I hate the 2 different stories.
I hate it.
Monday, August 9, 2010
-10:34 PM
HAHA I’m so hopeless. Wanna know how hopeless I am? Let me tell you how hopeless I am.
Wait for this.
Yeah, wait for it.
…
…
…
HAHAHA I STILL MISS TAIWAN D:
Can you believe it! It’s been like, what? Nearly a year since we returned! And I still miss it. GOSH. Okay maybe it’s the applications and everything that are making me totally wanna go again. Or maybe it’s just that I’m so worried the memories will leave me. Most remain I guess, but already some are fading. Like, I can’t remember which shop is at which corner of shidayeshi anymore. As in, if you bring me there of course I can still find my way. But I can’t picture where the shops are like I could before.
There’s a lot I miss about Taiwan. I can totally understand if the others who went with it don’t miss it like I do though. Maybe they do. But for me, part of me misses the freedom we had there. Frankly I’ve been feeling a bit like a zoo animal lately at home. I never felt like that before the trip. I guess the sudden “let go” feeling I got there wasn’t exactly for my good, because I do miss the feeling. A lot. But obviously I miss a lot more than that. I miss staying with friends a lot. There’s a lot more, but I won’t bore you with all that. I’m boring enough as it is (:
But my missing Taiwan is a motivation too! :D Like, I’m convinced that I desperately want to study abroad(: But I’ve got to work hard D: And I’m not working hard enough as it is…
Oh on a side note, I haven’t completed my Taiwan scrapbook. I left so much space for photos I haven’t managed to fill it up, and since my colour printer conked out it takes great effort and determination to get things printed in colour! XD
I WANNA GO BACK TO SHIDAAAAAAAAAA!~
Thursday, August 5, 2010
-11:08 PM
Did a quiz today which said I am:
trait snapshot:messy, disorganized, social, tough, outgoing, rarely worries, self revealing, open, risk taker, likes the unknown, likes large parties, makes friends easily, likes to stand out, likes to make fun of people, reckless, optimistic, positive, strong, does not like to be alone, ambivalent about chaos, abstract, impractical, not good at saving money, fearless, trusting, thrill seeker, not rule conscious, enjoys leadership, strange, loves food, abstract, rarely irritated, anti-authority, attracted to the counter culture
Which is sort of interesting. Somethings are incredibly true, whereas some (like the risk taking and fearlessness) seem not-so-true. And the last bit about anti-authority and counter culture worries me a little. While I'm not against individualism, I don't believe in being anti-establishment. Not really, at least. If I am, that's kinda scary. It's like you believe something but you don't do it...
Hmm.
I've become kinda bochap, but I still think about it a bit, and worry a bit. Like, about her especially. She can't count her blessings; she focuses on everything bad. She's extreme and temperamental and it worries me.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
-11:20 PM
I’m sipping African hot cocoa (mixed with some useless American coffee) and sparing with Lidan about my SS PT as I write this. And a bee is restlessly buzzing around my head. I’ve tried countless times to lure it out of my room, but to no avail. Gosh, I can’t believe I’m so terribly relaxed about this whole PT thing. After all, I have “no tomorrow” (as in, literally) and will probably have to toil through the night to get my 1200 words out. Well, maybe it’s just my good mood today ^^
SP empowerment yesterday! Had dinner with Sis YT and Brenda and Gabriel before that, which was pretty good. Spoke to Sis YT a bit and it was a productive time. Confused me a little at first, but things cleared up a lot after wards. I realised that I was only confused because I was, in a sense, a wee bit reluctant to do certain things. But that cleared too ^^
I had a fantastic TAWG this morning! I’ve been really distant this while, and it really refreshed me. The worship was like, "mount horeb” awesome(: Prayer too. And I started on a new book, 1 Samuel. I’m going to read about the whole life of David.
During my time of worship I was led to this song called “The Pre-eminence of Christ”, which we sang during PBB camp. I love the song because the lyrics are so meaningful, and it’s my song of the season (which I discovered has changed without me realising!)(/edit: I meant the season, not the song)
The Pre-eminence of Christ
(V1) Jesus you are my everything
I want to give you first place in my life
Saviour be my security
Let my trust in you be strong and firm in me
(C) In everything I do
Every word that I say
Let your light shine through me in every way
Lord of life I give to you
All that I have and ever hope to be
My master, be glorified in me
(V2) Oh Lord, the love you’ve shown to me
Reminds me of the need to care for friends
Dear Lord, I glorify your love
Yes I will proclaim your love to every man
(V3) Jesus in all our family ways
He will lead, direct and guide us day by day
Jesus love for each family
And His love we’ll show the whole wide world to see
So meaningful isn’t it! I especially love the chorus(: I was planning to do an informal recording of it, but my dad has the mic. So I’ve gotta wait till he returns, which is still some time from now. Oh well! Gotta go back to plowing through articles for my SS PT, and hopefully not stay up past 4am or something.
I’m not craving my sleep so badly YET, but I’ve got a nasty feeling I will soon ><
Monday, July 5, 2010
-12:41 PM
Yesterday I was so happy, because of what someone said. Well it was the second time I heard it, but I was secretly happy nonetheless. It made me wonder too, though.
Today started okay. But. (Anyway, the event is not actually the point here.)
There’s a certain loneliness within me, I guess. I haven’t confided in someone for a pretty long time. I mean, there’s nothing they haven’t really heard, since these 6 months are just more or less the same thing of the first two months or so. I don’t dare to speak to you. All of you. If you even see this. Which I think you won’t. You guys are busy, you have your lives to lead. Plus, I’ve always felt I’d been bothering you enough, and my sob stories probably get stale after a while?
But the loneliness nags at me. I know I have my heavenly father, but even Him I’ve felt so distant from lately. Somewhat I guess.
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UGH there’s so much so much so much to deal with
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
-11:35 PM
1. 2004 Vacation Bible Camp
2. 2005 P5 Adventure Camp
3. 2005 Shanghai/Suzhou Trip
4. 2006 STA*RS Camp
5. 2006 IGNYTE Emerge Camp
6. 2007 Orientation Camp
7. 2007 45th March Camp
8. 2007 45th June Camp
9. 2007 IGNYTE Battlecall Camp
10. 2008 45th March Camp
11. 2008 St. Hilda’s Primary School Camp (Volunteer)
12. 2008 GB Corporal’s Camp
13. 2008 45th June Camp
14. 2008 IGNYTE Radical Camp
15. 2009 Orientation Camp
16. 2009 Outward Bound School
17. 2009 45th March Camp
18. 2009 45th June Camp
19. 2009 Taiwan Immersion Programme
20. 2009 IGNYTE Camp Ignormous
21. 2010 Orientation Camp
22. 2010 GB PBB Selection Camp
23. 2010 45th June Camp
Cool eh? I’m going for June Camp tomorrow; can’t finish my post on PBB on time! Had a full day at IRT today. Was pretty fun la, but somewhat pointless may I add. (Sorry, RIPB! Your efforts are still appreciated ^^) But it gave me my much needed dose of exercise!
I’ll be writing a report on PBB! So exciting!!!!!! ^^
Monday, June 21, 2010
-4:48 PM
Let me just say this: PBB Selection Camp completely surpassed my expectations. I started with this sentence too, during the evaluation session we had yesterday, which was the last day. But I feel that what I said only reflected the surface of everything I felt at the end of the camp.
PBB Selection Camp was a completely different experience from Taiwan Immersion (which also left a sharp impact on me, in another way). For one, PBB was 4 days, TI was 28. To me, Taiwan Immersion was memorable, whereas PBB camp was life-changing. The fact that I can actually sit here and type this now is a testament of that- I would otherwise want to do it but never get to doing it.
Anyway, it’s pretty hard to describe PBB Selection camp. But I’ll try. If you’re wondering what PBB is, it stands for the Pioneer Brigadier Brooch, which is the highest award in GB. To get the award, you need to go through a couple of rounds of stuff, and the camp is (presumably) the final round. Basically you need to complete all your curriculum badges and stage 1 drill, and pass a Brigade Knowledge test. And with a Captain’s recommendation, tada, you go for the camp.
I went for the camp with fear and trembling, mainly because of my limited knowledge about drill. On hindsight, it’s not true that I didn’t expect to experience much- I did, but a totally different thing, like maybe some physically exhausting boot camp whereby everyone vies for the attention of the officers and does anything and everything to perform. It was exhausting, but not so bad, and people do their best, but in a different way. But my fear was definitely unfounded. We had a lot of fun at the camp, and the officers are actually nice and very respectable (and very cute, may I add). Yes, they do scold and punish, but they do that with high standards with the very best of intentions, and they walk their talk. I don’t know why, but I always had this impression of officers in general to be very anal, very inflexible, and very, very stern. They were none of that (stern okay maybe, but for really valid reasons anyway).
(Y’know what? If this was a descriptive essay, I would have flunked it, seriously. There’s no organisation XD) Maybe I’ll just try to describe what we did. Basically we plan all the activities at the camp, like breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper, devotion, games, 5BX, special night, whatnot. We had to be 5 minutes early for everything, clean up after ourselves (meaning spotless and dry) and keep ourselves and our things neat and tidy.
(Oh no, I just realised all the other stuff I typed about PBB had disappeared! And I’m not going to rewrite it because it’s way too detailed. I have focused my efforts instead on writing the article on PBB for GBLog, which is IMO, such an interesting thing to do ^^ And such a privilege! So, here is what I have, though this is not the final cut. It’s pretty short, because it has to fit into one A4 page, including pictures D: Which is sad, because I have a lot more to say. I cut down the number of points because I wanted to expound on each point sufficiently :D)
On 17th June 2010, 44 girls gathered at the Girls Brigade Centre for the Pioneer Brigadier Brooch Selection Camp. These girls came from various schools across the nation with very mixed feelings. Many were excited, many were apprehensive, and many, like myself, had utterly no idea what to expect for the next 4 days. Yet, no one could have expected that PBB would be such a memorable experience.
Throughout the camp, the importance of discipline was instilled in us through simple, daily activities like duties, inspections and even mealtimes, when we had to finish every morsel of food given to us. We were expected to report 5 minutes early for each activity, and were sometimes reprimanded or punished when we failed to do so. Yes, it was strict, but by no means draconian. Far from it, in fact, because the rationale behind this strictness was always clearly explained. Be it wearing the uniform smartly or doing drill well, we learnt that it all boiled down to setting the highest standards for yourself and taking pride in all the things that you do. It also helped that the officers themselves walked their talk and did whatever they expected of us, setting good examples in their actions. I speak for many of us who experienced PBB that it has changed our concept of discipline completely. For me, discipline, though necessary, had always seemed regimental and harsh. I have come to understand that discipline is simply putting in your best effort even in the little things, and that there can be fun and love in the midst of discipline.
Indeed, we had a lot of fun, playing games, laughing with one another heartily, and enjoying the company of everyone at camp. The spirit of love was always evident, even during the times we were being admonished, because we could see that the officers meant well and wanted us to learn and grow. Of course, on top of love through admonishment, we experienced love in other forms. To me, the most outstanding manifestation of this love was through looking out for and caring for one another. We were split into 4 groups for the camp, and each group had individual duties. At the beginning, each group took care of the duties they were responsible for, and that was that. But by the end of camp, we had learnt to ask “How can I help?” and extend assistance to others, no matter who they were. During our hike in Pulau Ubin, we learnt to care less about ourselves and what things were like from our point of view, but also to consider the views of others and what they might be feeling. Through all these activities, we forged strong bonds with our groupmates and fellow campers, making this camp truly the experience of a lifetime.
As my groupmate Eleanor Koh aptly put it, “We came here as strangers and left as friends”. Indeed, I believe that above the sense of discipline instilled in us and the fun we had, it was the love and fellowship we shared those 4 days that brought us together, and that we will remember for years to come.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
-11:28 AM
I’m not looking forward to PBB Camp. Okay I’m lying. I am! :D It sounds cool and seniors have all said pretty cool things about it. But it does sound, sorta… Scary.
Anyway.
I’ve thinking about some things lately. Again, yeah XD And I was thinking, maybe it really is time to let go.
Okay I don’t know. I’m not in the right mind.
AHHHH whateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhatever.
Friday, June 4, 2010
-12:36 PM
There’s something wrong with me. Something I can’t really describe. It’s like, I’ve lost my joy or something. I’ve been feeling so irritable today, and nothing makes me happy. And I harp on things I don’t have. Like, being able to go out normally like most people.
This is really bad. I should stop whining, and start being thankful again. What happened?
/edit: Today’s better :D Wrote that yesterday.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
-6:34 PM
I’ve been reading the Meg Cabot Airhead series. Waste of time. Grr, I can’t help it. I’m going nuts. And just as I thought it was going to be a brainless novel to help me relax. Haha. That’s rubbish. It’s a THRILLER. Srsly. T________T It’s about a girl who got a brain transplant and an organisation which kills to silence people. How’s that for relaxing chick lit T__________________T
Got some news today. Hmm. I’m so scared.
I’m not worried about IGNYTE anymore; I’m filled with a new excitement. What Pastor Andy said is true.
And I’m worried about tomorrow too…
Sunday, May 23, 2010
-8:31 PM
I hate the word.
-7:28 PM
Y’know, it’s funny. Sometimes you never realise how much you overestimated how bad things get until something worse happens. I love in Christ, but sometimes I find it hard to tolerate people who can’t stop sulking about their situations when, if they took a step back they would realise how blessed they are in so many ways. Then again, I’m sulking now.
Bad things just somehow kept pouring in today. In the morning, in the afternoon.
I’m feeling very upset. But at least I did work.
Friday, May 14, 2010
-12:03 AM
2 more nights of paradise, since Chinese New Year. In more ways than one, in fact! But I believe there is more to come(:
And on a completely irrelevant note, I realised I miss you. And you too! I miss you folks dearly.
And I still have mustered up that courage. Yet XD
(Oh how I love talking in codes…)(LOL)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
-8:05 PM
I was on FB acknowledging my birthday wishes, I saw, on my own profile:
“Trust in the Lord with all Your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.”
-Proverbs 3:5-6
Honestly, though my MSN name is “Laura will believe again”, sometimes I just feel that it’s hard. Man, my 16th birthday will be one I will never forget. Seriously. The weirdest of weird. RS presentation. Meeting with the principal. And this (the main thing la).
Y’know, it’s so pathetic, it’s funny.
Monday, April 26, 2010
-11:05 PM
God, will you grant me my wish? Just a day? Please?
Monday, April 12, 2010
-10:04 PM
GOSH, I should SO be studying! Not spending my time frivolously online doing frivolous things. GRAWR.
STUDY STUDY STUDY, VERY TRUDGY, FOR AN RG GIRL (sing along to Money Money Money)
Okay probably not for RG girls. More like, just for me! PHYSICS BIO PHYSICS BIO
Okay buhbye! Whee high~
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
-9:48 PM
Oh please, can you guys just cut it out? Still not enough? PLEASE IT’S BEEN MORE THAN 3 MONTHS. Just shut up and get on with life. Do you know how frustrating it is for me?
Forget it. Some people just aren’t worth talking about.
JUST GIVE ME SOME PEACE WILL YA.
Haha, I feel like an emo kid. I’m not okay! I’m cheery and gay (as in, happy!) :D Yay. And spunky and bouncing around everywhere. Yay. But even spunky people have their areas of weakness, where they feel not-quite-so-spunky. And sometimes even spunky people are not spunky enough to deal with these.
Heh nevermind I’m still spunky and cool! :D Hah! (You know what? I feel bipolar writing this~!)
Okay okay hmmmmmm let’s sit down and think about life. Life has been... Slack. Seriously. I mugged for past few papers, I think. More than I did for some time already, anyway. And after that I got contented and slack and my system rejects anything academic. It’s psychological. Sheesh. Physics and Bio coming up! And gotta do History (W6), Math (?) and MEP PT (14 April!)
And… I need to spend time alone with God! I shall spend it now then, since I need some peace too(:
Oh I forgot to mention Sunday. It was about being tired, relying on your own strength and all. I realised it’s so true for me. Bro Nick (Was it Bro Nick? I think so!) prayed for me and he prayed for a renewal of faith and it like, just dawned upon me that for a while I stopped believing that my situations would change. It was as though I had given up all hope. And that’s why the sudden emotional detachment. That’s why I stopped crying about it. That’s why I could even cut out that section of my life and deal with it only when I had to. It’s like, it wasn’t important anymore. And I basically just shifted my focus to trivial distracting things.
So, although it’s sometimes hard to try to shift my focus back to unpleasant things (correction: on God who will help me deal with unpleasant things), I shall, no, I must believe again(:
Laura will believe again :D
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
Saturday, March 20, 2010
-1:00 PM
NEWSFLASH! Laura is finally done with 30 hours of CIP! Wheeeeeee~
Okay there’s still Responsibility in the Church, Responsibility in the Community, Responsibility in the World and maybe one other badge to be done! D:
I shall finish it today (and my exams die… XD)
AHHHHHHHHh buhbye
Saturday, March 13, 2010
-11:22 PM
Appeals to generosity. I’ve been doing a fair bit of that lately, as a result of my 2 month long quest to collect 30 CIP hours to get my pioneer pin and hopefully the pioneer brigadier brooch as well. It’s crazy busy, what with PB and exams both hot on my heels. Things will get better. No, they must(:
Anyway, I’ve learnt several things from these flag days and all:
1. Singaporeans are nicer than you think
- I was collecting in the rain and so many people were rejecting me (D:) but I met a bunch of Clarins girls and some really friendly passers-by who were so nice and encouraging! :D
2. People don’t donate mainly because:
- They lack the confidence to (I’m serious!)
- They’re lazy to dig out their wallets from the recesses of their bags
- They’re not really well-off
- They’ve already donated
3. More people donate than you would expect (especially on your first flag day)
4. Asking the right people is important, but don’t rule people out because of how they look. People often surprise you!
- People who fall under the “just trying my luck” category can just suddenly flash this wide toothy grin at you and reach for their wallets. Often enough!
- People who are conventionally regarded as generous donors (e.g. Caucasians) sometimes turn out to be not-very-generous donors. Serious. With experience, I’ve learnt: Don’t ask Caucasians unless they look at you first. To avoid sounding racist, I acknowledge that many of these people are tourists; if I were a tourist, I would donate to my own people first because that’s my responsibility. Plus this flag day thing might be something they’re not used to, hence the attitude. To their credit, I’ve met several generous Caucasians before too (usually those who look at your expectantly to ask for donations!)
- On that note, don’t let ANYONE who gives you an expectant look pass you by! Very often, these people are just waiting for you to ask(:
5. Guys are such good actors in front of their girlfriends
- A guy walking on his own is nearly half as likely to donate as one walking with his girlfriend
- Okay, but men in general have become increasingly generous over the years. Yay.
6. There are only 2 kinds of parents in the world (okay this might be mildly offensive):
- Those who inculcate the right values in their children
- Those who teach their kids all the wrong things
7. It’s easy to tell who carries fake branded bags (again, mildly offensive)
- The ones with real ones donate (It’ true! Especially the ladies with big sunglasses. Serious.)
- The ones with fake ones don’t
I’m kinda out of ideas for now. But Vivian and I also counted money today. So fun man! :D It’s quite funny there was this tin with LOTS of notes. Like seriously, quite few coins in it! But stuffed with notes. So we concluded that it must have been some shuai4ge1 or mei2nu3.
Anyway, gotta chiongz. Leading cell tomorrow and gotta clear all PB work by board camp or risk getting slaughtered during camp! D: *shudders*
Doing volunteer work is pretty fun actually; thinking about doing some after EOYs :D But for now I still need 8 more hours!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
-9:05 PM
I realise something. When I’m blogging, usually it means I’m TAWGing or at least thinking about it. When I’m not blogging shows that I don’t want to think about it at all and just want to distract myself with a bunch of meaningless things.
I NEED TO TAWG I NEED TO WORK UGH LAURA YOUR HOLS ARE JUST THIS SHORT AND MORE THAN HALF IS GONE! BUCK UP!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
-8:53 PM
I feel it. Something’s going to happen.
I wrote a pretty emo thing today in class because somehow I had some time during class. Maybe I finished the worksheet or something; don’t remember. Was going to type it in, but can’t find it. Hope no one found it or something.
My voice exam’s tomorrow. I’m scared.
I’m scared, not just for my voice exam.
I’m scared. To bits.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
-11:18 PM
Haven’t blogged for some time. Things have gotten, well, considerably worse, yet I feel considerably better. Haven’t cried in a while. Hmm…
Anyway, have been considering letting my friends in school know what’s going on. They’ve been really nice about everything!
I am in the process of evaluating my time managament strategies. I SHALL IMPROVE. YES. I SHALL SLEEP AT 9PM EVERYDAY, HAVING DONE ALL MY WORK AND GO TO BED 无忧无虑! So pleasant right? :D
Speaking of sleep, today was a huge fiasco. I was intending to wake at 4am to do some RS and English FA and Philo argument map, so I cleverly set my phone alarm. That worked; it was pretty aggressive. Unfortunately it was within arms length so it’s like *Grab* and *Jab SNOOZE*. It rang again in 5 min so I got fed up, turned it off, went back to sleep, and woke up at 6am instead. So there you have it. 2 hours less to slog, sleep lost. RAWR. I ended up dozing off during chinese as a result. I tried to listen okay! I even tried doing the tested-and-proven eye massage. Didn’t work la D: It’s a lot easier to doze off when you’re disengaged, and by that I mean, not talking. XD It’s so hard to fall asleep during SS even on a sleepy day. And though the morning was really a blur, philo (which was 1st block) wasn’t too bad…
RAWR LAURA. Do English FA now.
On a side note, in case I haven’t mentioned before, my internet fast is failing quite badly. I kept the deal for YouTube though. But this is a bit like the True Love Waits thing about compromise. Bit by bit you say, “Aiya okay la can la” then after a while everything becomes “Aiya okay la can la”. I haven’t written my commitment yet but I’m been thinking about it and have some idea. Trouble is, it’s pretty tough and I’m a bit worried. Ugh, I of little faith. *Scurries to private blog to post commitment before scurrying to do english FA*
Thursday, February 18, 2010
-8:40 PM
Standstill. Things are too still. It’s more comfortable this way, but it’s bad. Too much can happen because of this stillness. Yet it’s so hard to step out off.
Haha, funny y’know. I’ve been talking in codes for more than a month already, I think.
I need to catch up with my work. AND I’M MEETING MISS ONG TMR! Need to come up with an agenda ASAP. A good one that will keep us talking about constructive things.
Monday, February 15, 2010
-10:13 PM
One day of paradise. I’m really glad to have this one day, yet I fear for days to come. But thank God for this one day of paradise! It was truly the fulfillment of my prayers. No, to be more precise, it was a lot more than I had asked for :D
I’m excited for tomorrow. Very excited, actually, for more than one reason. But there remains so much work untouched, so much stuff undone (and so much TAWG un-spent for that matter XD) Oh well gotta bite the bullet and just go! Ugh, PB work is an endless stream that nags at me at the back of my head. That’s kind of irritating, but necessary I guess!
I’ve been singing this song a lot lately (I even recorded it in case I get too dreary to play the guitar XD) and I love it!
Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms
I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
And as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I really love Casting Crowns. Their songs are just so real.
Oh, and on a side note, I’ve been failing miserably with my fasting this CNY holiday. I think it’s because I’m looking for a worthy distraction to all this… mess. Bleh.
God He reigns
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
-10:30 PM
I’m at a loss. Completely.
It’s kind of strange though. I’m like completely in denial. But the thing is, the whole situation is so absurb, how on earth can you expect me to believe it? My behaviour is absurb too, actually. I’m like, “Orhh, okay”. Haha. With some anger in there, I believe. And a whole bunch of denial. But I’m not upset (or so I think) and that’s just plain weird.
And the strange this is that things still seem normal on one hand. Haha it’s so hard to speak in codes sometimes I end up not saying anything that’s comprehensible XD
I have no idea what to do. And everyone whom I’ve told before sometime or another seems busy to me. As in, obviously to listen to me yabber about unpleasant things is uncomfortable… Not that they’ve told me so or I’ve tried to talk to them about my stuff lately but I just feel so bad bothering people. Sis Yinting is like, so busy la! Unless I’m totally desperate I wouldn’t want to trouble her D: Though she always says, “Don’t worry about bothering me”. The rest of them also tell me that and stuff like, “No don’t worry about it I really don’t mind listening” blahblah but I still feel bad to tell them anything! D: Haha, or maybe feeling bad is just an excuse on my part.
Hahaha the strange thing is that I was talking about the lofty ideas? If everything really happens, those aren’t going to be lofty ideas anymore. I’m going to try my best to make them real. They aren’t dreams; to me, they are solutions.
Then again, we’ll see how it goes. It’s hard to cling onto God, but I’ll try. No, I will.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
-9:41 PM
Wah I seriously need to buck up as an SP. While researching for my QT materials I remembered that I wrote some stuff about prayer to the Allstars in one of my emails. That was when I was still a PSP.
Honestly speaking, the emails were very lohsoh la. But charged with passion man.
Hi ALLSTARS!
This email will be the first of many emails you will be receiving from me! I hope that these emails will encourage you to GROW in your walk with God((:
Since this is the first email, I shall write about what God has done for me! Why? Because when I was Sec 1, I was very encouraged when I found out about how God grew my Sec 2 senior so much when she was Sec 1, to what she had become in Sec 2. It struck me that if God could do it for her, He could do it for me. From then I became very intentional in wanting to grow.
Before I entered IGNYTE ministry, I was REALLY vulgar and enjoyed gossiping about people. I went after positions of power, good grades, and popularity. But even when I had these things, I felt an emptiness within me, like there was something I needed. So I continued to 'hunger after' those things, which made me feel more and more that there was something else I needed. Sometimes at church when I saw people engage in worship, I would act-cool but secretly admire these people for their love and passion for God. And I guess this is what led me to discover that what I needed was God.
But it was only when I entered into IGNYTE ministry that my hunger for God increased and I started to change the way I lived. New beginnings and camp gave me a kick-start in my 'new-found' relationship. Regular services and FUEL helped to recharge me each week. But looking back, it was daily Time Alone With God (TAWG) that really helped me. What I mean by 'TAWG' here, in your present situations, is effort. It means being intentional. I remember how difficult it was for me to kick-in the habit of spending TAWG. After 2 weeks I felt I couldn't continue any more, but at that time God sent me seniors who came to tell me "Spend your TAWG, it's really important to grow in God." And together with a close IGNYTE friend, that's how I started spending my TAWG.
The effort you need to put in may mean to spend regular TAWG. Even if you do spend TAWG, have an active prayer life and all, I'm sure there are areas in your life God wants you to work on? Don't just take it as it comes. Be intentional! Make an effort to grow.
I've grown so much in the year of 2007, and I'm looking forward to more in this new year of 2008!
And just to ENCOURAGE (: all of you, here are the lyrics of a song that speaks my heart!
What He's Done
What He's done for me
Is so amazing
The love He has for me
I cannot explain
All I know is I once was lost but now am found
I was blind but now I see
And I know He can do for you
What He's done for me
I am confident that when you hunger after God, when you seek God, when you pursue God, GOD WILL NOT SHORTCHANGE YOU. GOD WILL NEVER DISAPPOINT YOU.
In an ending note, I really really want to encourage all of you ALLSTARS, in January 2008, to set your goals for this year, especially your spiritual goals, because they are going to shape and affect your priorities in life. What ever these goals may be, I suggest you paste it/write it some where you will see everyday. And every day when you see these goals, remember them and work towards them.
Be intentional, and shine for God!
Lots and lots of love (God's, and mine!)
Laura (:
[you can call me LOL]
Hello ALLSTARS!
I hope you look forward to this email! Take it as a mid-week reminder not to forget about God(:
I'm sure you've all been faithful in following the Bible reading plan, and praying for your friends in your Battle Plan, right? *grins*
Well... Not all is lost if you haven't, it's not too late to start! You only have 6 chapters in luke to catch up with((: Certainly good news for you!
Before I begin my 'message', I just want to thank you all for reading my previous email! Please continue to do so! It would also be great if you would like to reply some thoughts/reflections about the email to me! But that's totally optional. Any feedback/suggestions, possibly as to what I can email all of you about, are also welcomed.
Anyway, this email will be based on the verse from Jeremiah 29:13. God says "You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart". I'll be sharing about what this means, how it applies to us, as well as some personal experiences.
Back to Jer 29:13. When I first heard of this verse, I was like "DUH!" When you search for God with all your heart, you will obviously seek God! But now, what I feel this verse really means is that when we come to a point of desperation for God, He will honour that desperation with a greater hunger for Him, and He will honour that hunger by revealing (more of) Himself to us.
That might sound a bit complicated, so it might help if I showed a Biblical example?
If you remember, we read luke 5:27-32 a few days ago. It was about Levi the tax collector (who were notorious for swindling $$ at that time.) But the moment Jesus called him, he left everything and followed Jesus. That's how hungry he was to repent and change his way of life! I think the word 'everything' here summarises too much. Do you know the magnitude of the word everything? Think of the EVERYTHING in your life. If Jesus came one day (and you knew it was him) and called you, would you be hungry enough to follow him? Think about it.
Honestly speaking, if Jesus really came one day, I might not be hungry enough to drop everything and just follow him. I mean, I guess I would, but it's hard to say. I've struggled (still do sometimes) with keeping my hunger and passion for God going 24/7, year round. Sometimes TAWG becomes so much of a routine, it becomes a chore. I guess with our sinful human nature, it's difficult to continuously have so much zeal for God. I've been getting dry spell after dry spell recently, especially if I miss services or TAWG. I notice that trend in myself, so I really try as much as possible not to! Though my passion might not keep on burning (kerosene can run out okay!), putting in effort to keep it going helps! And the time we spend with God renews us and keeps us going! I testify to that(: So don't be discouraged if sometimes you feel distant or indifferent (bo chap) about God. Press on, don't let go!
Or what if you don't know how a touch of God feels like? I can't describe it in words, just know it's indescribably awesome. Even if you don't think you FEEL God or love God or something, maybe you could try thinking of all the things you have, family and friends, nature, all your blessings and gifts, and think of God, your creator, from whom these things come from. Keep giving thanks to God, and pray for hunger! If you don't know how to pray, ask God (you can ask me too..)! (:
Keep on praying and reading the Word!
<3 LOL ! :D
P.S. I love you! (Invite your friends, yea!)
P.P.S. Thanks goes to Bro Zhi Hao for highlighting keywords for us!
Hi ALLSTARS!
I'm sure all of you enjoyed Friday's event! It's awesome seeing IGNYTErs bringing in nearly 200 FTVs that night! Great job! :D
Continue to bring your friends for services/events and to pray and believe in their salvation, yea?
Yes, pray. I know this is something that some of us struggle with! But as I've been saying to those who've prayed with me, what counts is what comes from the heart. Of course, the use of verses, appropriate vocabulary etc is good to have, but I don't think that's the most important. One can blabber non-stop, using the most impressive vocabulary and the most appropriate and exhaustive list of things to pray about. But if the person doesn't mean it, if the people isn't sincere about it, it's just as good as nothing! I admit sometimes, especially if there's something I NEED to pray about, I blabber. It's like, I know HOW I should be praying, and I say everything out. And at the end of it I realise that I don't know what I've prayed for. It's sad! I know that's also one of the things I really need to work on this year, to mean everything that I pray.
You may ask, "Why is it so important to mean what I pray?" The thing is, God already knows what our needs are. When we pray, we are humbling ourselves to ask for it, which is what God wants! Just like even if your mum knows you need something, she might not get it right away! Sometimes, she waits for you to ask, right? ((:
2 Chronicles 7:14. "if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."
Remember that!
Now, I'd like to share an amazing testimony to all of you. This incident happened last year, around November, but it's only now that I see God's hand in it. I thank God that He has shown me that this is a powerful testimony of how prayer can work wonders, not just a mere coincidence as I dismissed it to be at the time when it happened.
I was blogsurfing one day when I chanced upon the blog of a girl my age called *Janice. Everything about her profile seemed fine, and she was even in the same class as one of my IGNYTE friends. I went to the 'posts' section and I was shocked to see so much hurt reflected in her first post, which was about being bullied. Even though I didn't know her, I could feel for her through what she had written. My heart went out to her and I thought, "She must come to experience the love of God that will heal her from all that hurt!"
Initially I wanted to tell my friend to bring Janice to church, but I didn't because I didn't know that friend well. So all I could do was to pray for her. I prayed hard that God would reveal Himself to her and that somehow or other she will come to experience His love.
Some time passed, and I forgot about the incident. That was until I saw my friend bring along a girl to church. I was thinking,"Great, an FTV!" but deep inside I thought, "Could that be Janice?"
And as I found out later, it certainly was.
I was totally totally amazed. I mean, I prayed for someone whose profile I had only seen online, and she didn't even know me. But by God's AWESOME power, she came to know Him!
Not only that. She began to regularly attend services and I eventually befriended her. And guess what? Less than 6 months from the start of this series of events, Janice rededicated her life to the Lord. God is good, amen?
As I recounted this to Janice and later, that IGNYTE friend, I asked, "Why did you decide to bring JANICE to church, out of so many people?" The response I received was, "You know what? She asked me to."
Why is God so awesome!!! :D
*Janice is a pseudonym.
I hope this testimony has shown you that prayer IS powerful and effective!
God bless all of you mighty prayer warriors! :D
<3 LOL
Hello ALLSTARS!
I hope all of you are enjoying your new school term? Well, do make sure that in spite of all your busyness, you still leave some time for God, eh? (:
As we move into Term 2, I guess some of you might still have the results from your previous term at the back of your mind.
Maybe they were good. Or maybe they were not as good as you'd expect them to be. But you know what? The Bible says to give thanks at all times (Psalms 119:62-even at midnight!) and in all circumstances (Ephesians 5:20).
I know it sounds difficult, especially when we're in the pits! But I've learnt that even when we're in such times, God still remembers us, carries our problems, gives us peace; He is always worthy of all our praise!
Listen to this song and think about the lyrics.
What does this tell us?
Forever- Chris Tomlin
Click HERE to listen
Click HERE for lyrics
To me, this song is about God's faithfulness in all things, and I think that alone is enough reason to give thanks.
Sometimes I really wonder what I would be doing, how I would be living if not for His faithfulness. I've had my lows, and I'll share one of them with you.
This happened mostly when I was in P3. Although it still happens sometimes, but the situation has improved greatly and I really thank God for it.
<Section cut out>
God's faithfulness is far from being the only reason to give thanks, but I thought that it might be easier to view the concept of thanksgiving when you can understand what you give thanks for!
Actually, I think thanksgiving is, in part, an 'obligation'. In the Lord's prayer, the first thing Jesus says (after Our Father in Heaven) is hallowed be thy name. In other words, Jesus' priority was not just to pile up his trolley with the items on His shopping list to God. He first gave thanks.
And sometimes giving thanks isn't so easy! Like in Luke 22:17, Jesus gave thanks for the bread and the cup, the very symbols representing His death. It's just like knowing that you're going to be killed tomorrow with a sword and a hammer and you give thanks for those things.
I'm using Jesus' stories because, as you'd know if you read your Bible (I'm sure you do! ;D), that Jesus always gave thanks!
And so should you! ;D
<3 LOL
Sorta embarrassing to read stuff I wrote in Sec 2. It’s very blatant. But it had that heart la. And I really hope to write something that will truly truly impact my GB mates for QT. My topic is “Pray Continually”.
-9:12 PM
You have been good
You have been good
You have been good
And I am in wonder how it can be
You have been good
You’ve been so good
In so many ways you’ve been good to me
I was made to praise you
I was made to praise You
I was made to glorify Your name
In every circumstance
To find a chance to thank You
I was made to love You
I was made to worship at Your feet
And to obey You, Lord
I was made for You
I will always praise You
I will always glorify Your name
In every circumstance
I'll find a chance to thank You
I will always love You
I will always worship at Your feet
And I'll obey You, Lord
I was made for You
Give thanks
Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given
Jesus Christ His Son.
And now let the weak say "I am strong."
Let the poor say "I am rich."
Because of what the Lord has done for us
Give thanks
Admittedly, it’s been really tough la. In a sense the situation has now been compounded because I have:
1. Tons of homework, PB work, GB work, RS stuff, and leftover Taiwan work
2. Little time but little focus
3. Been finding it hard to spend TAWG and all
In a sense it’s good the stress hasn’t quite got to me. Of course it’s bad too. But I’ve learnt a lot this past month, way way more than I’ve learnt before. I’ve learnt to find joy, to give thanks in all circumstances. Just like it says in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18! (Speaking of which, I don’t see what’s so great about the song I wrote. I think it’s quite bland XD Don’t get why everyone seems to like it. Haha to be fair to myself, I wrote it in like, 10 min, and the verse has no meter to it! Okay but honestly la, even though I don’t really like it I’m still secretly happy about all the praise/attention it’s been receiving, though it’s dead hard not boasting/claiming credit since most don’t know who wrote it. Humility humility humility. Besides, ya la it’s not that great D:)
Tomorrow’s an exciting and slack day, everyone say yay :D Chem History Math, PE and CLE! :D Okay we have PB GM too, hopefully I don’t get scolded or something. GMs scare me. CLE is pretty exciting, hopefully. For one, we have awesome teachers. And it’s slack. And it’s pretty thought-provoking if you take it seriously, since we’re doing “success” this term. And PE is just awesome man :D
I should spend some time with God and do my homework. Hmm I shall write the QT materials for GB camp now :D
Monday, February 8, 2010
-10:40 PM
HAHA strange. I’ve been talking about lofty ideas with friends 2 days in a row. Hmm…
Well things have been… Interesting. I can’t tell if it’s improving or getting worse. Can be either. Gotta press on pray hard. I’m dying under my homework honestly speaking. So much to do so little time!
GOTTA SPEND TAWG HAVEN’T BEEN SPENDING GOOD QUALITY TAWG IN SOME TIME.
URGH. WHY’S THERE SO MUCH TO DO DO.
Okay stop complaining get to work ><
Thursday, February 4, 2010
-8:36 PM
There’s been a considerable amount of action going on lately. It’s pretty daunting, honestly! For better for worse I really don’t know. It started off promising but now it seems things have gotten worse. Ohwell, gotta trust God and cling onto His promises.
Okay anyway, I do owe Lidan a little something XD She asked me what’s my purpose in life, so I said I would blog it. I don’t know why I can’t say it la; I’m quite shy, I guess. Really. I don’t think I’m ashamed of the gospel or of God in any way, but I am very shy sometimes D: Or maybe it’s just excuses. Hmm, something to think about.
My purpose is basically to seek serve and follow Christ (which is the GB mission too!), and to fulfil my God-given destiny. As in, I don’t buy into all these things about material success or power or even happiness. Haha, and by the way, I believe in joy, not happiness(: Happiness is conditional; joy doesn’t care about what happens- it remains in spite of the most dire of circumstances. Haha and joy is, in many ways, a choice! :D As for all the material stuff, if they come, they come. I’m not being impractical or unrealistic or having lofty ideas. I know how important money is. That doesn’t actually mean I care so much.
And to address the “fulfilling my God-given destiny” part, to be honest I don’t know what it is. I have an idea, but it’s still pretty hazy. In terms of jobs and all, especially. I am quite sure, though, that I do not have a full-time call. Haha, I thought having a full-time call was really cool, so I prayed about it for some time a couple of years back. And I usually know when God’s calling me to something (responding is another thing though!) Besides, we have altar calls for full-time call pretty often and I honestly don’t think I have one. Haha(: So yup, chances are, I will take on a secular job.
All this talk arose from the CLE lesson “What is success?” which was really pretty thought-provoking. We’ll be doing more of this in the weeks to come, so yeah, something to look forward to I guess :D
I need to spend some time with God! Lay down all my burdens and baggage :D And just spend some time in awe at the greatness of God.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
-8:03 PM
URGH. Do you know how long I took to stop missing Taiwan so much? With Mingdao’s visit today, I’m back at square one. GRAWR. Eh seriously leh!
The wushu guy from Mingdao came today! I presented something and played keys. Both weren’t very successful D: But we had fun, and talking to our buddies made me reminisce our wonderful Taiwan times. I WISH I BLOGGED DURING THAT MONTH. Oh well XD
ENOUGH OF TAIWAN. I shall try to go back to the harsh realities of life.
Now’s not time to be complacent. Things are improving, very VERY slightly. I THINK. I HOPE.
I’ve gotta continue interceding la.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
-10:50 PM
1. Stepping into 师大 and then the NTNU Hostel lobby
2. The lift that keeps closing on people
3. Talking water cooler
4. “Dudette” “Yes?” “Not you dudette, the other dudette!” –Yingxin (who often turns delirious and forgets names at night!)
5. 地下餐厅
6. Playing bridge, hearts and taiti with awesome buddies
7. The common room with the TV, sofa and lots of space to play cards
8. Playing TOD (especially the all-nighter on 5 Dec!)
9. 师大夜市 <3
10. Food coupons
11. Bubble tea from 会上隐 (茉香奶茶)
12. Asking for toilet paper (and once, even twice in 2 days XD)
13. Teasing couples
14. Karaoke
15. Melty Kiss and Hi-Chew
16. Flipping through the dictionary (and googling) for 繁体字
17. Blue and pink room slippers
18. Water parade
19. Bed check at 9.45pm
20. Hearing Yingx Germ Selene Minghao etc. etc. swoon about DBSK
21. Prank calls
22. Worrying about overweight luggage
23. Gossiping at night with Selene and Ying Xin *tsk tsk* Okay not gossip; it’s just chitchat la.
24. 蓝组
25. Using nicknames (F4, KingKa etc...)
26. Crashing rooms
27. 淡水
28. Singing opera at night
29. Watching Selene do the limbo
30. Exercising in the cold cold night
31. Sleeping in class (and popping Vit C to stay awake)
32. Celebrating birthdays
33. 锅贴 and 水饺
34. 梁山伯与祝英台的爱情故事
35. Seeing our 班长 cross-dress (and the fake boobs)
36. The big hammer (after the balloon shooting @ Danshui!)
37. Meeting for rehearsals
38. 扯零
39. 皮雕
40. 吸管
41. 中国结
42. Watching catfights between Selene and Yingxin
43. Late-night intensive mugging (seeing people in the common room at 1am/2am!)
44. Having supper while mugging at night (Yoghurt with fruits instant oatmeal, milo, crackers, beef cup noodles!)
45. Room card-keys (which require special technique to use!)
46. Watching DBY in Taichung on Graduation Tour!
47. Squatting toilets
48. Feeling awkward in 偶像店s
49. The awesome stationery shop
50. Taking half an hour to reach the korean restaurant (thanks Selene XD) (The bimbimbab is AWESOME)
51. “我门失踪了!”
52. Spraying insect repellent everywhere (doorframe, mosquito net etc.)
53. Getting rid of the weird insectish things in our room (using a modified wire hanger!)
54. 爱情万岁
55. Receiving 1000NT, distributed by teachers, at random moments
56. Yummy bread from SunMerry Cafe
57. Arcade games
58. Using water pressure to wash the toilet
59. Sharing a tiny netbook
60. Eating strange burgers for breakfast
61. Fretting about 分班测验,默写,小考,期中考,期末考 and the end of term achievement test
62. Doing 造句 with Google
63. Chionging 习字,新诗 at night (with roomies to consult!)
64. Camwhoring
65. Watching korean movies instead of mugging at night
66. Blasting music (mainly Korean, DBSK etc.) in the room
67. The clothes bed XD
68. The cool balcony that joins 508 and 510 together!
69. Long bus rides
70. Eating in our rooms
71. Baked pasta and 肉锉面
72. Hanging wet clothes everywhere
73. Small drizzly rain
74. Umbrellas in the corridors
75. 辅导员s
76. Free 红茶 and 绿茶 in the huge pots with long ladles and plastic bags and rafia string and straws!
77. Walking down the streets like we've been there forever and rule the world
78. Freaky baroque music in the basement
79. 天灯
80. Talking about guys (we don’t mean the RI guys y’know XD) (okay except when we were complaining about their ungentlemanliness on the first day)
81. Preparing farewell parties for teachers
82. Handwashing clothes
83. Watermelon-guava-dragonfruit-kiwi-orange-pineapple-jambu-CHERRYTOMATO D: fruit boxes twice a day
84. Selene and her expenditure reports and earring shopping!
85. Yingxin and her “Changmin! Changmin! Junsuuuuuuu!”
86. “I think Jaejoong is ugly” –Laura (just to spite Minghao) “IOGJARJIOSJFOISJOISJMCOKMX! *strangles*” –Minghao
87. G5 and Janfusun Fancyworld (and the puke basins)
88. Cheese croquette from the Japanese restaurant
89. Mopping the room floor
90. Singing in the room with Yingx (and influencing Selene to eventually start singing in the shower!)
91. Kahmo (not-very-yummy) spaghetti
92. Playing pingpong at Hibiscus Hotel
93. Attempting to play pool on the 11th floor (with Addy’s instruction) (hint: keyword “attempting”)
94. Feeling good when we replied in Chinese to people who spoke to us in English. (And being able to speak Taiwanese too!)
95. Disposable underwear
96. Wearing my luggage key on my wrist and a ladybug whistle around my neck nearly all the time (I can’t believe I nearly forgot that)
97. Opening and closing my yellow luggage bag many many times a day (to put valuables and all)
98. 古亭站!
99. 西门丁!
100. Our awesome day at 中正纪念堂 watching 宝岛一村 and being really high at the Chiang Kai-Shek memorial hall. The view from up there was stunning! It’s like dark, with the pretty pretty lights!
Okay admittedly these are barely representative. I’ve wrecked my brain a fair bit and this is what I’ve got so far. I tried to squeeze some points together to make space, actually. But this list is really just a snippet of everything. I don’t know why, but I just miss those 4 weeks so much! Maybe it’s the weather, or the freedom to do anything you want, or the company. Probably the combination of everything. If I had the opportunity to go again there are some things I’d do differently though. For one, I wouldn’t go with the misconception that 1 month is very long. And I would spend more money (it’s worth it man)! I think the most saddening thing is that it’s highly unlikely I’ll get to stay in a hostel with such lovely people and do such lovely things in a lovely place for one whole month again. At least, not in the next 2 years.
Why the sudden Taiwan fever again? Maybe because ever since I returned things have been so tough and there’s been so much to worry about. Over there, not much, other than exams and homework. Which are inconsequential at the end of the day, anyway. In other words, the 1 month was like, time off from the harsh realities of life. Another reason why the Taiwan fever. MINGDAO HIGH SCHOOL IS COMING TO RGS! :D :D :D Hopefully my buddy’s coming :D
Saturday, January 30, 2010
-8:51 PM
I will never run out of things to thank God for. This is my conclusion. Was talking to Anders and I realised that recently, though situations have barely changed for the better (possibly even for the worse), that my outlook has changed drastically. I’m no longer pulling a long face and sighing every where I go; in a sense my behaviour and mood have reverted more or less to normal, I think.
Thank God for that la. I wanna spend TAWG and plan cell, but I’m teaching Xinkai math now. Hmm… Haha a bit more and I’ll go off!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
-11:58 PM
English AA I love you!
Okay maybe not. Because of my BELOVED, I haven’t done my other homework. 私函!Math Assignment! Goodness me… And I havent’ spent TAWG for a couple of days.
Well, work is a good distraction though, from all the things going on. I’m so, so glad there’s SP empowerment tomorrow night! :D
Okay I’ve got to chiong english now. Good thing I sneaked a teaspoon of coffee into my milo so now I’m bright cheery and awake. Coffee is scary. It’s like drugs.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
-8:31 PM
This whole experience has really taught me a whole lot about thanksgiving. And today is a day I wanna give thanks for. It’s nothing big or “eventful”, but precisely because it was relatively uneventful.
Thank God for a better day :D
Reminder to self: find something like a lollipop or a bar of chocolate for Chu Lee Voon and Han Jun! Or a pack of gummies or something! Birthday! Don’t forget! Oh and something to appreciate Joanna for writing minutes (and typing them in) for department meeting today! I must learn to be more people-centred. It’s not so easy okay!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
-10:14 PM
Psalms 13 is a Psalm that has touched my heart.
Psalm 13
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
Deciding to read Psalms (which was a change of plan from Isaiah) was, I believe, a God-led decision. The last time I tried to read it I kept falling asleep. Unbelievable. Psalms is so, so beautiful. I love the book of Psalms(:
As usual, plenty of things on my mind. BIG HUGE GARGANTUAN ones, manageably small ones, puny ones. But it’s okay. I know that no matter how BIG HUGE GARGANTUAN these things get, my God is BIGGER HUGER AND GARGANTUAN-ER! No actually He’s the BIGGEST HUGGEST AND GARGANTUAN-EST! :D
Yeah :DD Gonna keep up my spirits and press on and believe.
Monday, January 25, 2010
-8:42 PM
When will I ever stop having “such days”, I ask myself. Since last week it’s been so hard to get by. Yet everyday is a day the Lord has made, and we should rejoice and be glad in it :D
But this is also exactly what it means to count the cost, to pay the price, to carry the cross. These are often lines we sing in songs, sometimes meaninglessly.
And to be honest, sometimes when I sing these songs I do wonder what the cost will be for me. And then something I treasure pops up in my head, and I think, “If that is what it takes, what will I do? Will I give up Jesus?” But many a time such thoughts are too difficult to entertain, and the easier option is to simply chuck them aside.
It’s only during times like these when I stop to think, and do some soul-searching. I’ve thought long and hard about it. I thought, “If giving up Jesus will change my situation completely, would I?”
I know from the bottom of my heart that I will not.
From 3 big things and 1 frivolous thing on my mind, it has both downsized and upsized to 2 very big and bothering things. One extremely big and bothering (and bigger and more bothering than it was before) and another significantly less, but still very bothering in the current context (since I deal with this on top of the very big and bothering thing around).
And I can’t go around telling all these things.
And even if I do, the people I CAN tell can’t do anything. But pray, that is. As in, the smaller problem is not that hard to resolve if I could just approach and explain my situation and perhaps consider making a particular decision (which would require plenty of consideration too). But I can’t! I don’t want to explain the situation. I really really don’t know. It’s very blurry and all, but that’s also kinda, the point.
Here’s a verse Johann shared on Sunday that’s kept me going:
1 Corinthians 1:25
25For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
And I was just talking to God and telling Him how difficult I was finding things and this verse just rang in my mind.
There’s this song that’s kept me going too, on more than one occasion.
Voice of Truth (by Casting Crowns)
Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
you'll never win."
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the Voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you are the Voice of truth
And I will listen and believe the voice of truth, to know that “this is for My glory”, and not to be afraid.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
-8:41 PM
My mum’s sick D: Please keep her in your prayers.
-7:18 PM
I miss Taiwan. It’s been nearly 2 months since we returned, and I miss it nearly as much as I did when I just returned.
But anyway, now’s not the time to be thinking about frivolous things like this.
-5:19 PM
Oink oink, I am a pig.
I slept at 11pm the night before, woke up at 10am on Saturday morning. And then I slept at 11.30pm yesterday (okay maybe 12am) and woke up at 7am. And I was looking forward to sit down for a productive 3-4 hours of work this afternoon after returning for church, and guess what I did? Haha, I did about… 30-45min of english AA email discussion. And then after sending out 2 very very lengthy emails I glanced at my bed.
No prizes for guessing what happened next.
And yes I’m still tired *snores* but if I sleep any more, uhh, I’m going die. My work! D:
Urgh. Urgh. Urgh.
I need to spend TAWG too. Didn’t spend TAWG yesterday. Nowadays everyday is eventful. A less eventful day is a day of even more thanksgiving. But it also causes complacency. Must press on, and continue to intercede.
*snores*
Aiyo Laura…
Saturday, January 23, 2010
-1:15 PM
Okay, probably not. (In response to yesterday!)
I’ve been trying to get my mind off these huge horrible things and think about the more frivolous things on my mind. Doesn’t work either XD
Friday, January 22, 2010
-10:18 PM
Was there breakthrough? I wonder.
-5:13 PM
Finally, it rained again. From my eyes, I mean. This week has been such a week, I was wondering how I could go through without tearing a single drop.
It feels good, but at the same time, I can’t explain the feeling. It’s utter despair, and at the same time, the knowledge that the Lord is with me. I asked myself, “Laura why are you crying?” And I concluded that I had been touched by the love of God.
I shall not attempt to describe today’s events here. It is impossible to do so here. *runs to private blog*. But that’s not what I want to share. I am here to share about my worship today, which was absolutely AMAZING.
We have overcome
Thanks be to God
Who always causes us to triumph in His name
Thanks be to God
Who always causes us to win, yeah
Thanks be to God
Who always causes us to triumph in His name
Thanks be to God
Thanks be to God
We have overcome
Hallelujah, hallelujah
We have overcome
By the power of your name
Jesus you’re the one
Hallelujah, hallelujah
The one who made a way
For us to triumph in His name
Oh, oh, Oh, oh
We got the victory
Everything will be alright, alright
We got the victory
Everything will be alright
‘Cause we’re on the wining side
How could I live without you
How could I live without You
How could I survive
Without Your love
Without Your touch
You’re the One that heals me
And cleanses my heart
And sets me free
Now i come right before You
With my hands lifted up
With my heart humbly bowed
At Your work on the cross
As You hang there and die
You were paying the price
For my life, For my life
For Your love is higher than the heavens
Deeper than the seas
And all I want is You in my life
No one else can satisfy my soul
Can make me feel this way
Only You Lord, only You
Here in my life
I have never walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet but
At your Word Lord, I’ll receive Your
Faith to walk on oceans deep
And I remember how You found me:
In that very same place
All my failing surely would've drowned me
But You made a way
You are my freedom
Jesus you’re the reason
I’m kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life, here in my life?
You have said that all the heavens
Sing for joy at one who finds
The way to freedom, truth of Jesus
Bought from death into His life
And I remember how You saw me:
Through the eyes of Your grace
And though the cost was Your beloved for me
Still you made a way!
I want to let Jesus love me
I want to let Jesus love me
Put His arms around me
Touch my arms so I can see
That I am beautiful
I want to let Jesus love me
Put His arms around me
Lift me high so I can see
The beauty of the Lord
Faithful God
I serve a God who is faithful,
and He will never fail
When i’m in the desert
He’s a river of hope
I serve a God who is faithful,
His faithfulness prevails
Lord I Put my trust in You
Chorus:
I serve a God,
who is faithful and true
I will hide, in the shelter of Your wings
For i find my rest in Your faithfulness
Yes i serve a faithful God
Can’t let go
God Your unfailing love
Holds me by the hand
It never lets go of me
No matter how far I’ve ran
God You knew my name
Before I came to be
And you long for me
Just to stay in Your arms
So I want to sing
Ohh
It’s Your love that I’m holding on to
It’s Your face, that I look upon
It’s Your strength, that I can lean on
I won’t let go of You
In my trials, I will praise You
In my fears it’s you I will run to
I will sing of how You have loved me
Lord I can’t let go of You
I could sing of your love forever
Over the mountains and the sea,
Your river runs with love for me,
and I will open up my heart
and let the Healer set me free.
I'm happy to be in the truth,
and I will daily lift my hands:
for I will always sing of when
Your love came down. [Yeah!]
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever. [Repeat]
Oh, I feel like dancing -
it's foolishness I know;
but, when the world has seen the light,
they will dance with joy,
like we're dancing now.
Complete
Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again
So I lift my eyes to you, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
And I will be complete in You.
So I lift my eyes to you Lord
And by faith, I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day,
And I will be complete in You
So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears.
Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You
Consuming Fire
There must be more than this,
O breath of God come breathe within,
There must be more than this,
Spirit of God we wait for You.
Fill us anew we pray,
Fill us anew we pray.
Consuming fire fan into flame,
A passion for Your Name,
Spirit of God fall in this place,
Lord have Your way,
Lord have Your way with us,
Come like a rushing wind,
Clothe us with power from on high,
Now set the captives free,
Leave us abandoned to Your praise.
Lord let Your glory fall,
Lord let Your glory fall.
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
A passion for Your Name.
Yours is the kingdom
Yours is the Kingdom
And the power
And the glory forever is Yours
Heaven and earth bow down
In the wonder of Your Name
Heaven is open
Death is broken
And the glory forever is Yours
Nothing can overcome
The power of Your Name
King above kings
All the universe will sing
Everlasting God
You are wonderful
You are wonderful
And the shout of the earth
Will be Your praise
God forever
And the light unto all
Will be Your wonderful Name
For the glory Lord is Yours
God forever
All the glory Lord is Yours
Counting on God (in some other post)
Desert Song (in some other post)
Can’t Let Go
God Your unfailing love
Holds me by the hand
You never let go of me
No matter how far I've ran
God You knew my name
Before I came to be
And You long for me
Just to stay in Your arms
So I want to sing
Ohh
It's Your love I'm holding onto
It's Your face that I look upon
It's Your strength that I can lean on
I won't let go of you
In my trials I will praise you
In my fears it's you I will run to
I will sing of how You have loved me
Lord I can't let go of You
Jesus you gave your life
As ransom for my sins
You willingly paid the price
Of shame and suffering
Now Christ has set me free
I know where I will be
Standing in Your courts
Lifting up my hands
Praising with this song
Ohh
Hossanna
I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes
Yeeeah
I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing
[Chorus]
Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest [x2]
I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees
[Chorus]
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity
[Chorus x2]
Hosanna in the highest
I know this worship was REALLY LONG, but I enjoyed every moment of it. So much I had to write about it and try to recall the songs I sang. There might have been one or two more though… (: I didn’t plan anything; I just flowed as usual, and each time the Lord placed a new song in my head, songs that spoke to me in new and amazing ways, songs that spoke of different aspects of God. This season has been trying, really trying, but I must admit that I’ve enjoyed spending so much quality time with God, which honestly speaking, during the good times I would probably not be willing to part with at all. I’ve also enjoyed the ministry that I’ve been doing. Talking, praying, knowing that God is with me, empowering me and flowing as the spirit leads. It’s all so amazing. It’s like, saying things you never knew you knew.
When I started worshipping today, I was just so stressed, and I was filled with such… A heart for everyone/everything going on. Basically I felt very burdened. I could feel my heart sink today. Like *plonk*. And as it has been lately, I was reluctant to deal with things. I just hoped to get by and hide and avoid trouble. But I thank God that I did not refuse anyone of ministry. That my spirit was still available to serve, though my flesh was weak, and in the end I still went.
Yeahh my flesh IS weak. But my God is strong(: Really need God’s empowerment tie me through. This is really taxing stuff. Not that I wasn’t prepped before anything actually happened that this was to be year of moulding and trial XD