rediscovering eden
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am Yours
testimonies
Saturday, June 14, 2008
-2:54 PM
Check this out!
> God said: I miss talking with you.
>
> I said: What? I just prayed on Sunday.
>
> How often do you talk with Katie?
>
> I dunno.
>
> Think about it.
>
> Well, OK. Let's see . . . we usually hang together before school,
> then we have English and math together. And — oh yeah — we've got
> study hall together in the afternoon. And lunch, I forgot about lunch.
> We eat lunch together every day.
>
> So how often do you talk with Katie?
>
> I guess all the time. We call each other a few times during the week
> to check on homework stuff. And we instant-message a lot in the
> evenings when we're both on the computer. I'd say we pretty much talk
> all the time. After all, she is my best friend!
>
> How often do you talk with Me?
>
> I don't know.
>
> Think about it.
>
> Sigh. Well . . . on Sundays at church — and at youth group. You know.
>
> I'd love to talk with you more.
>
> But God, I already give You chitchat time.
>
> I want more than chitchat. I'd like for you to tell Me everything.
>
> Everything?
>
> Why not? I already know what you're thinking anyway.
>
> Yeah. And that's just it! If You know everything, what's the big deal
> about me having to talk with You?
>
> Having to talk? Hmmm. I was hoping it would be more of an enjoyment
> instead of an obligation.
>
> Ah, You know what I mean.
>
> You're right, I do. And that's exactly what hurts Me. Most of the
> time when you speak with Me, it's because you feel you're supposed to,
> or it's because your back is against the wall and you need help —
> fast.
>
> I didn't know You felt that way.
>
> My child, I paid the highest price I could pay for you. I long to be
> with you and to hear you voice your thoughts, your joys, your tears,
> your loneliness, your victories.
>
> Well, OK. If it really means that much to You. But I still don't get
> this prayer thing. If You already know what I'm going to say before I
> even say it, what's the point in telling You?
>
> It's the process.
>
> Huh?
>
> Remember last week when Katie took first place in the track meet?
>
> Sure! I remember. Boy, was she excited!
>
> Yes. And you were, too.
>
> Well, yeah. I am her best friend. You know.
>
> But you actually heard about it before Katie told you.
>
> Oh, yeah! Jason told me before I even saw Katie.
>
> But when Katie rushed to you, waving her ribbon, you were just as
> happy and proud for her as if you were hearing the news for the first
> time.
>
> Yeah.
>
> That's friendship. That's relationship. That's love. Would you have
> wanted her to keep the news from you because you already knew?
>
> No way! I love it when Katie gets excited. Her face lights up with
> that crooked grin, and her eyes glow like sparklers.
>
> I feel the same way.
>
> Hmmm.
>
> I not only love for you to tell Me everything — I can't wait to hear it!
>
> I think I'm starting to understand.
>
> I'm not finished with Katie yet.
>
> Oh?
>
> Yeah. Let's keep talking about your friendship for just a bit longer.
>
> OK.
>
> The more you two share (secrets, giggles, notes), and the more you
> two do (trips together, youth group parties, football games), the
> closer you become.
>
> So it's doing stuff that makes us such great friends, right?
>
> Partly right. But I really want you to think about this, OK?
>
> OK.
>
> It's also the p-r-o-c-e-s-s.
>
> I'm thinking.
>
> The time invested in sharing and doing.
>
> Yeah. I get it. We're sort of investing ourselves in each other's lives.
>
> Exactly. And your friendship is growing because of it.
>
> Yeah! Cool.
>
> Do you hear what I'm saying?
>
> Keep talking. I'm listening, God. I really am. I want to get this.
>
> Your relationship with Me is pretty static right now.
>
> Static?
>
> Yeah. Dull. Boring.
>
> I didn't think You noticed stuff like that.
>
> I'm God, remember?
>
> Oh, yeah.
>
> But it doesn't have to be static. Don't forget. I died so we could
> have a relationship — an exciting, fun relationship, not a boring one.
>
> Well, what can I do?
>
> Spend more time with Me. Talk to Me. When you cry, let Me wipe your
> tears. When you ace a history exam, share your good news with Me. When
> Lisa snubs you in the hallway, tell Me how bad it hurts. I want our
> relationship to grow.
>
> Wow. Lord, I've never even thought of all that. I mean, why would You
> be so interested in my everyday, ordinary life?
>
> Because I love you. Oh, how I love you!
>
> Jesus, I'm sorry. I've pretty much left You on the shelf. I mean,
> yeah, I go to church, and I even read my Bible at times, and people
> know I'm a Christian. But You want me to grow in You too, and I
> haven't been — I've been static, just like You said. Will You forgive
> me?
>
> I forgive you.
>
> Jesus, I want to have a best-friend, Lord-of-Lords relationship with
> You. I want You to own me and consume me.
>
> Yes! That's what I want, too. And you know what?
>
> What?
>
> I love the way you're praying right now.
>
> Praying? I'm not praying. We're just talking.
>
> Yeah. And that's exactly what prayer is.
>
> I get it.
>
> Open, honest, consistent communication.
>
> I can't wait till tomorrow morning.
>
> Why's that?
>
> I'm going to get up early and pray.
>
> You don't have to wait till tomorrow morning. Talk to Me when you get
> up at 1:30 a.m. to go to the bathroom.
>
> Really?
>
> Sure! And at 3 a.m. when you're tossing in bed and scrunching your pillow.
>
> Hey! How'd You know I always? . . . Oh, yeah, You're God.
>
> Right.
>
> Well, in that case, how about hanging out right now? I've got some
> stuff I need to talk with You about.
>
> Great. This is the moment I've been waiting for.
I guess it's true for most of us, in at least some ways.
Which brings me to what I was really excited to blog about.
SP empowerment.
I've been whining about how terrible my walk with God has been thus far etcetc and I've received a lot from God during SP empowerment.
Interestingly, what God spoke to me about was amazingly simple, yet so powerful.
I'm not going to say so much because I just realised it's kinda weird to say stuff for all the world to read, regardless of whether they actually do.
SO.
I'm gonna start a private blog again.
I wonder whether I'll really come back here, hmm...
And hopefully I can say a lot more xD
Not now though!
Science proposal, learn ting xie.
The science proposal's half killing me! xP
Monday, June 2, 2008
-8:01 PM
I can't help but blog about this.
Guess what?
God miraculously worked up a streak of compassion in a murderous insect killer who took the lives of numerous innocent young flies and ants (okay maybe not so innocent for drinking my fruit juice or making me dizzy spinning round me!)
Today I stepped on a fly (you know, those little things that have a particular inexplicable attraction to light, especially on rainy days. Yea, one of those guys.
I did it because they were flying around and they were irritating, so when it came up next to my slipper, I stepped on it rather gently. But alas, when I lifted my slipper, the sad truth dawned upon me (okay maybe not SO dramatic.) It was dead.
And then don'tknowwhy but I suddenly freaked out! And then I looked at it and I felt so sad. And so guilty. And then I felt so bad I said "Sorry!" and scolded myself for being a hypocrite. And then my dad started laughing. And I was talking about how bad I felt and everything! At first he just said stuff like, "It's okay" "calm down" "relax" but I continued my "I FEEL SO BAD!" thing. So he said "repent!" and then I started laughing, which is why I can blog about it now.
But seriously!
The poor fly!
I just saw a picture of it in head and I'm freaking out again!
AHHHHH I FEEL SO BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
Gah, I don't think I'm going to kill a fly ever again.
-5:22 PM
It's been awhile since I've been here.
I should be busy; rather, I should GET busy.
Yet, a week into the holidays, I have neither started my PTs nor practiced ANY piano at all.
Besides all this work, I thought it might be a good idea to use this to speak to my SBs a bit more and spend more time with God, especially since I've been cutting on that lately.
Unfortunately, this isn't all happening.
While it's not true that I've been completely idle since I returned from Corporal's Camp (I've prepared for SMO and I'm trying to finish MCS now. So much math, gosh), there remains a lot more to be done.
Considering my terrible results last semester, well, (trails off xDD)
One more thing.
Hah.
I started watching Nodama Cantabile.
I think it's really cool because of all the music in it.
Haha, the soprano was singing Voi che sapete in part 1 or part 2.
They're using all the famous pieces!
I wonder if the actors/actresses are really playing those things.
It seems pretty real to me =D
Dramas, dramas.
I'm cutting down!
Besides, J-dramas are REALLY short.
Promise! ((:
