rediscovering eden
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am Yours
testimonies
Monday, January 25, 2010
-8:42 PM
When will I ever stop having “such days”, I ask myself. Since last week it’s been so hard to get by. Yet everyday is a day the Lord has made, and we should rejoice and be glad in it :D
But this is also exactly what it means to count the cost, to pay the price, to carry the cross. These are often lines we sing in songs, sometimes meaninglessly.
And to be honest, sometimes when I sing these songs I do wonder what the cost will be for me. And then something I treasure pops up in my head, and I think, “If that is what it takes, what will I do? Will I give up Jesus?” But many a time such thoughts are too difficult to entertain, and the easier option is to simply chuck them aside.
It’s only during times like these when I stop to think, and do some soul-searching. I’ve thought long and hard about it. I thought, “If giving up Jesus will change my situation completely, would I?”
I know from the bottom of my heart that I will not.
From 3 big things and 1 frivolous thing on my mind, it has both downsized and upsized to 2 very big and bothering things. One extremely big and bothering (and bigger and more bothering than it was before) and another significantly less, but still very bothering in the current context (since I deal with this on top of the very big and bothering thing around).
And I can’t go around telling all these things.
And even if I do, the people I CAN tell can’t do anything. But pray, that is. As in, the smaller problem is not that hard to resolve if I could just approach and explain my situation and perhaps consider making a particular decision (which would require plenty of consideration too). But I can’t! I don’t want to explain the situation. I really really don’t know. It’s very blurry and all, but that’s also kinda, the point.
Here’s a verse Johann shared on Sunday that’s kept me going:
1 Corinthians 1:25
25For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
And I was just talking to God and telling Him how difficult I was finding things and this verse just rang in my mind.
There’s this song that’s kept me going too, on more than one occasion.
Voice of Truth (by Casting Crowns)
Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
you'll never win."
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the Voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you are the Voice of truth
And I will listen and believe the voice of truth, to know that “this is for My glory”, and not to be afraid.
