Taking up the Cross

2011-06-24T10:29:00.000+08:00

Haven't written anything for really long! Life's been alright, I guess. Some good, some bad. I really should be studying now! I haven't started bio or chem (still), whoops.

Just a quickie then. Definytion's starting in 2 weeks! I am so, so excited about this, really. I hate to say this, but having been around since 2006, there's so much in IGNYTE that's changed. Some for the better, but some for the worse as well. More than that, there's been this feeling of barriers everywhere we turn, as a ministry. Even after camps and stuff, they come down, but then somehow they go back up again. Really praying that through Definytion, God will move powerfully among us and tear down these walls. Good for the younger ones too :)

Alright, I really should go study now xD

2010-12-05T15:05:00.000+08:00

Haven't blogged in a while. Shows that I'm a rainy day blogger. But life's good man :D I've been pretty carefree, and I've been having so much fun. There's something on my mind, but I already know I should just surrender, and put God first. Easier said than done though. It's hard to get it all out of my head. And even harder to still continue building it (rooted in Christ of course), while still putting God first. Hahaha I'm talking in codes again, whoops.

In terms of my walk with God I honestly think I've been a little stagnant. I would like to grow a lot more. There's so much passion- where is it? I need to do a whole rediscovery :D

I don't know why, but I've this nagging feeling that I need to do so much more thinking about my life, and this feeling that I've been letting life go by without thinking anything about it.

Then there's IH. I'm leaving in 3+ months and I'm definitely having mixed feelings about it. It's funny how God works, really, but I thank God for it all, because it helps me challenge myself, and check my motives at every juncture. There was this time I really wanted to join worship, and my intentions weren't right, so God didn't allow it. This time I'm really not dying to go in there, but I've been called :D Then again, joining IH was... similar. Something I wasn't dying to do, but sensed I should do, and with all boldness, I just jumped into. And I never regretted. It has taught me so much :)) Much as I know that the time has come for me to leave and I've been doing lots of thinking about it, I will miss this ministry that's so close to my heart. The leaders and youths closest to me are nearly all in this ministry. Seniors I respect, juniors I see so much potential in, peers I have grown with, leaders I have shared so much about myself with... WHAM here come the memories! It's been an awesome 3 years, and there's always so much to learn and experience. Thank God for IH :D As for worship min, I'm excited and scared. Keys definitely isn't my forte. I'm pretty fresh when it comes to improv, and I have absolutely no formal training in anything non-classical, let alone any experience playing in a band! (Oh and I think I'm gonna go deaf soon.) But I love new beginnings, and new seasons, so while I feel sorta out-of-place and all, I eagerly await what the Lord will do in our midst :D

HAHA I would definitely like to write a list of New Year's Resolutions this year. Yeah sounds good. Yay.
Okay I'm turning weird. Buhbye :D

2010-11-04T18:26:00.000+08:00

Tribute to RGS memories

Yeah, that's what they are now, I guess. Memories. Anyone would know that I am not one to emo about things xD And that's right, because this is not an emo message ;D

Frankly, as I stepped into school this morning, the first thing that struck me was this: "Has my RGS experience really been that great? Why don't I feel anything?" I'm serious, that's how I felt. But as the day passed I began to become more aware of some things I always took for granted, and memories came back. I won't say I feel sad about leaving, but I definitely feel nostalgic.

This is probably quite politically incorrect, but I'll say it anyway. RGS as an institution means practically nothing to me. Rather, it is the people in RGS, be they teachers, or students, that define my experience, and that in turn, make the institution meaningful.

Let me begin with my dearest class 414. It's the most awesome class I've ever had, really really really. I loved it from the start, and now I only love it more. Never have I been in a class so close, so funky and so... awesome, really. It's hard to describe, but there are so many characters in the class, so different as individuals, but united as a class. I never felt a sense of competition, just that of collaboration, and I guess that's pretty rare in RGS. Lessons were really (ridiculously) fun and enjoyable, and studying for exams was a lot more tolerable too. I find it really interesting because although there are cliques and stuff, our class is still amazingly inclusive, and we do a lot of stuff together :D

And of course there's also our teachers. I've been blessed with so many fantastic teachers. Teachers so dedicated, so genuinely concerned about their students, so knowledgeable, so intelligent, so cool, must certainly be hard to come by! In particular, I'd say the teachers who made the greatest impact on my RGS life would be Mr Alvin Tan, Zhang Lao Shi, Miss Kum, Mr Lim, Mrs Mak, Miss Sally Wong, Mr Xu and Miss Sharon Ong. But kudos to all my teachers, because they have all been awesome. I feel like listing them so I'll never forget them, but, hehe, might not be such a good idea after all xD.

Okay come to think of it, RGS isn't just about the people la. There are some defining moments and stuff that I will never forget as well. I think it can be summed up in this: RGS to me is a land of opportunities, or as I penned in the graduation song, chances galore. This is probably the thing love most about it. In so many places, who you are (and how much moolah you have) changes everything. But in RGS it doesn't, or at least, it matters a lot less. You can do nearly anything you want, as long as you have the passion and the determination to push on. There are so many things you can choose to do, and it's this about RG that I love. In the course of my 4 years here I've gone for a month long overseas immersion programme, learnt a whole bunch about glorious glorious music, learnt about God in GB, learnt the guitar and keyboard in GB, had the chance to organise various events and meet people, participate in conventions, campaign for head prefect (and go through many other interviews), gone for OBS, performed a bit, learnt the catwalk, and more. But the biggest thing I regret is not making full use of these opportunities. I barely auditioned for anything in RG, usually out of concern for my grades. Sometimes, I wonder, perhaps I could have used my opportunities better. But then again, there's only so much one can do.

Okay this is super incoherent and boring and drony I'm getting bored of myself. Bye. RGS was a great 4 years.

2010-11-04T17:29:00.000+08:00

I am truly blessed. It's a bit early to do a 2010 review, but it's been good and I wanna say it before I lose the thought. It's been by far the toughest single year of my life (okay on second thoughts maybe 2003 takes the cake but it's a tough fight anyway) but 2010 is a year that really grew me a lot. I guess some of you might know that 2007 was a really good year for me. 2010 was... better :D I don't judge years by how smooth-sailing they've been. Rather, it's probably been all the trying times that make years memorable. Of course, I'm probably only saying this because things have gotten better (though not entirely, because it's still a hugely precarious situation).

I've learnt many things this year, but I know this for sure: I've learnt to see that I am so, so blessed. And Miss Tan's speech to the class of 2010 reminded me of this.

I am blessed because no matter what I go through, I have people by my side who genuinely care about me, and I have people who will not only listen and encourage, but turn me to Christ and help me to realign my focus. I am blessed because God has given me so much. I am blessed because of the joy I have in my heart. I am blessed because the things I go through aren't just tough stuff that make me miserable but situations that make me better and stronger.

2010 has taught me just that. Of course there are some things about the year that I regret, like wasting time on useless things, not spending enough time catching up with the people I love, drifting from God at times... But I guess regrets are just but part and parcel of all of life's goodness, haha.

Come to think of it, I've done and been through quite a few things this year. It's been good la, and I thank God.

Oh a few more things actually. We sang "Counting on God" last Sunday, and it was yet another reminder of the Lord's grace and provision over my life. He has been so good to me, really, really, really.

By the way, I stopped blogging because my life got smoother and I stopped needing an outlet. Till now, at least. I wanted to put this on FB but didn't have the guts. FB has way too many people for me to express a personal reflection.

2010-08-10T12:44:00.001+08:00

I need some air, and someone to talk to. Which shouldn’t be a problem, except it means I either explain everything from scratch to Sis Ann, or bug the others with more of the same thing XD

GRAWRRR. GRAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

You know, it actually feels better seeing the Rs appear on the screen. Let’s do it again.

GRAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

I feel so uneasy about all of this. There’s a nagging uncertainty ><

Oh, I didn’t mention. The confusion too. I hate the 2 different stories.

I hate it.

2010-08-09T22:34:00.001+08:00

HAHA I’m so hopeless. Wanna know how hopeless I am? Let me tell you how hopeless I am.

Wait for this.

Yeah, wait for it.

…

HAHAHA I STILL MISS TAIWAN D:

Can you believe it! It’s been like, what? Nearly a year since we returned! And I still miss it. GOSH. Okay maybe it’s the applications and everything that are making me totally wanna go again. Or maybe it’s just that I’m so worried the memories will leave me. Most remain I guess, but already some are fading. Like, I can’t remember which shop is at which corner of shidayeshi anymore. As in, if you bring me there of course I can still find my way. But I can’t picture where the shops are like I could before.

There’s a lot I miss about Taiwan. I can totally understand if the others who went with it don’t miss it like I do though. Maybe they do. But for me, part of me misses the freedom we had there. Frankly I’ve been feeling a bit like a zoo animal lately at home. I never felt like that before the trip. I guess the sudden “let go” feeling I got there wasn’t exactly for my good, because I do miss the feeling. A lot. But obviously I miss a lot more than that. I miss staying with friends a lot. There’s a lot more, but I won’t bore you with all that. I’m boring enough as it is (:

But my missing Taiwan is a motivation too! :D Like, I’m convinced that I desperately want to study abroad(: But I’ve got to work hard D: And I’m not working hard enough as it is…

Oh on a side note, I haven’t completed my Taiwan scrapbook. I left so much space for photos I haven’t managed to fill it up, and since my colour printer conked out it takes great effort and determination to get things printed in colour! XD

I WANNA GO BACK TO SHIDAAAAAAAAAA!~

2010-08-05T23:08:00.000+08:00

Did a quiz today which said I am:

trait snapshot:messy, disorganized, social, tough, outgoing, rarely worries, self revealing, open, risk taker, likes the unknown, likes large parties, makes friends easily, likes to stand out, likes to make fun of people, reckless, optimistic, positive, strong, does not like to be alone, ambivalent about chaos, abstract, impractical, not good at saving money, fearless, trusting, thrill seeker, not rule conscious, enjoys leadership, strange, loves food, abstract, rarely irritated, anti-authority, attracted to the counter culture

Which is sort of interesting. Somethings are incredibly true, whereas some (like the risk taking and fearlessness) seem not-so-true. And the last bit about anti-authority and counter culture worries me a little. While I'm not against individualism, I don't believe in being anti-establishment. Not really, at least. If I am, that's kinda scary. It's like you believe something but you don't do it...

Hmm.

I've become kinda bochap, but I still think about it a bit, and worry a bit. Like, about her especially. She can't count her blessings; she focuses on everything bad. She's extreme and temperamental and it worries me.

2010-07-31T23:20:00.001+08:00

I’m sipping African hot cocoa (mixed with some useless American coffee) and sparing with Lidan about my SS PT as I write this. And a bee is restlessly buzzing around my head. I’ve tried countless times to lure it out of my room, but to no avail. Gosh, I can’t believe I’m so terribly relaxed about this whole PT thing. After all, I have “no tomorrow” (as in, literally) and will probably have to toil through the night to get my 1200 words out. Well, maybe it’s just my good mood today ^^

SP empowerment yesterday! Had dinner with Sis YT and Brenda and Gabriel before that, which was pretty good. Spoke to Sis YT a bit and it was a productive time. Confused me a little at first, but things cleared up a lot after wards. I realised that I was only confused because I was, in a sense, a wee bit reluctant to do certain things. But that cleared too ^^

I had a fantastic TAWG this morning! I’ve been really distant this while, and it really refreshed me. The worship was like, "mount horeb” awesome(: Prayer too. And I started on a new book, 1 Samuel. I’m going to read about the whole life of David.

During my time of worship I was led to this song called “The Pre-eminence of Christ”, which we sang during PBB camp. I love the song because the lyrics are so meaningful, and it’s my song of the season (which I discovered has changed without me realising!)(/edit: I meant the season, not the song)

The Pre-eminence of Christ

(V1) Jesus you are my everything

I want to give you first place in my life

Saviour be my security

Let my trust in you be strong and firm in me

(C) In everything I do

Every word that I say

Let your light shine through me in every way

Lord of life I give to you

All that I have and ever hope to be

My master, be glorified in me

(V2) Oh Lord, the love you’ve shown to me

Reminds me of the need to care for friends

Dear Lord, I glorify your love

Yes I will proclaim your love to every man

(V3) Jesus in all our family ways

He will lead, direct and guide us day by day

Jesus love for each family

And His love we’ll show the whole wide world to see

So meaningful isn’t it! I especially love the chorus(: I was planning to do an informal recording of it, but my dad has the mic. So I’ve gotta wait till he returns, which is still some time from now. Oh well! Gotta go back to plowing through articles for my SS PT, and hopefully not stay up past 4am or something.

I’m not craving my sleep so badly YET, but I’ve got a nasty feeling I will soon ><

2010-07-05T12:41:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I was so happy, because of what someone said. Well it was the second time I heard it, but I was secretly happy nonetheless. It made me wonder too, though.

Today started okay. But. (Anyway, the event is not actually the point here.)

There’s a certain loneliness within me, I guess. I haven’t confided in someone for a pretty long time. I mean, there’s nothing they haven’t really heard, since these 6 months are just more or less the same thing of the first two months or so. I don’t dare to speak to you. All of you. If you even see this. Which I think you won’t. You guys are busy, you have your lives to lead. Plus, I’ve always felt I’d been bothering you enough, and my sob stories probably get stale after a while?

But the loneliness nags at me. I know I have my heavenly father, but even Him I’ve felt so distant from lately. Somewhat I guess.

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UGH there’s so much so much so much to deal with

List of all overnight activities out!

2010-06-22T23:35:00.001+08:00

1. 2004 Vacation Bible Camp

2. 2005 P5 Adventure Camp

3. 2005 Shanghai/Suzhou Trip

4. 2006 STA*RS Camp

5. 2006 IGNYTE Emerge Camp

6. 2007 Orientation Camp

7. 2007 45th March Camp

8. 2007 45th June Camp

9. 2007 IGNYTE Battlecall Camp

10. 2008 45th March Camp

11. 2008 St. Hilda’s Primary School Camp (Volunteer)

12. 2008 GB Corporal’s Camp

13. 2008 45th June Camp

14. 2008 IGNYTE Radical Camp

15. 2009 Orientation Camp

16. 2009 Outward Bound School

17. 2009 45th March Camp

18. 2009 45th June Camp

19. 2009 Taiwan Immersion Programme

20. 2009 IGNYTE Camp Ignormous

21. 2010 Orientation Camp

22. 2010 GB PBB Selection Camp

23. 2010 45th June Camp

Cool eh? I’m going for June Camp tomorrow; can’t finish my post on PBB on time! Had a full day at IRT today. Was pretty fun la, but somewhat pointless may I add. (Sorry, RIPB! Your efforts are still appreciated ^^) But it gave me my much needed dose of exercise!

I’ll be writing a report on PBB! So exciting!!!!!! ^^

PBB Selection Camp 2010

2010-06-21T16:48:00.001+08:00

Let me just say this: PBB Selection Camp completely surpassed my expectations. I started with this sentence too, during the evaluation session we had yesterday, which was the last day. But I feel that what I said only reflected the surface of everything I felt at the end of the camp.

PBB Selection Camp was a completely different experience from Taiwan Immersion (which also left a sharp impact on me, in another way). For one, PBB was 4 days, TI was 28. To me, Taiwan Immersion was memorable, whereas PBB camp was life-changing. The fact that I can actually sit here and type this now is a testament of that- I would otherwise want to do it but never get to doing it.

Anyway, it’s pretty hard to describe PBB Selection camp. But I’ll try. If you’re wondering what PBB is, it stands for the Pioneer Brigadier Brooch, which is the highest award in GB. To get the award, you need to go through a couple of rounds of stuff, and the camp is (presumably) the final round. Basically you need to complete all your curriculum badges and stage 1 drill, and pass a Brigade Knowledge test. And with a Captain’s recommendation, tada, you go for the camp.

I went for the camp with fear and trembling, mainly because of my limited knowledge about drill. On hindsight, it’s not true that I didn’t expect to experience much- I did, but a totally different thing, like maybe some physically exhausting boot camp whereby everyone vies for the attention of the officers and does anything and everything to perform. It was exhausting, but not so bad, and people do their best, but in a different way. But my fear was definitely unfounded. We had a lot of fun at the camp, and the officers are actually nice and very respectable (and very cute, may I add). Yes, they do scold and punish, but they do that with high standards with the very best of intentions, and they walk their talk. I don’t know why, but I always had this impression of officers in general to be very anal, very inflexible, and very, very stern. They were none of that (stern okay maybe, but for really valid reasons anyway).

(Y’know what? If this was a descriptive essay, I would have flunked it, seriously. There’s no organisation XD) Maybe I’ll just try to describe what we did. Basically we plan all the activities at the camp, like breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper, devotion, games, 5BX, special night, whatnot. We had to be 5 minutes early for everything, clean up after ourselves (meaning spotless and dry) and keep ourselves and our things neat and tidy.

(Oh no, I just realised all the other stuff I typed about PBB had disappeared! And I’m not going to rewrite it because it’s way too detailed. I have focused my efforts instead on writing the article on PBB for GBLog, which is IMO, such an interesting thing to do ^^ And such a privilege! So, here is what I have, though this is not the final cut. It’s pretty short, because it has to fit into one A4 page, including pictures D: Which is sad, because I have a lot more to say. I cut down the number of points because I wanted to expound on each point sufficiently :D)

On 17^th June 2010, 44 girls gathered at the Girls Brigade Centre for the Pioneer Brigadier Brooch Selection Camp. These girls came from various schools across the nation with very mixed feelings. Many were excited, many were apprehensive, and many, like myself, had utterly no idea what to expect for the next 4 days. Yet, no one could have expected that PBB would be such a memorable experience.
Throughout the camp, the importance of discipline was instilled in us through simple, daily activities like duties, inspections and even mealtimes, when we had to finish every morsel of food given to us. We were expected to report 5 minutes early for each activity, and were sometimes reprimanded or punished when we failed to do so. Yes, it was strict, but by no means draconian. Far from it, in fact, because the rationale behind this strictness was always clearly explained. Be it wearing the uniform smartly or doing drill well, we learnt that it all boiled down to setting the highest standards for yourself and taking pride in all the things that you do. It also helped that the officers themselves walked their talk and did whatever they expected of us, setting good examples in their actions. I speak for many of us who experienced PBB that it has changed our concept of discipline completely. For me, discipline, though necessary, had always seemed regimental and harsh. I have come to understand that discipline is simply putting in your best effort even in the little things, and that there can be fun and love in the midst of discipline.
Indeed, we had a lot of fun, playing games, laughing with one another heartily, and enjoying the company of everyone at camp. The spirit of love was always evident, even during the times we were being admonished, because we could see that the officers meant well and wanted us to learn and grow. Of course, on top of love through admonishment, we experienced love in other forms. To me, the most outstanding manifestation of this love was through looking out for and caring for one another. We were split into 4 groups for the camp, and each group had individual duties. At the beginning, each group took care of the duties they were responsible for, and that was that. But by the end of camp, we had learnt to ask “How can I help?” and extend assistance to others, no matter who they were. During our hike in Pulau Ubin, we learnt to care less about ourselves and what things were like from our point of view, but also to consider the views of others and what they might be feeling. Through all these activities, we forged strong bonds with our groupmates and fellow campers, making this camp truly the experience of a lifetime.
As my groupmate Eleanor Koh aptly put it, “We came here as strangers and left as friends”. Indeed, I believe that above the sense of discipline instilled in us and the fun we had, it was the love and fellowship we shared those 4 days that brought us together, and that we will remember for years to come.

2010-06-15T11:28:00.001+08:00

I’m not looking forward to PBB Camp. Okay I’m lying. I am! :D It sounds cool and seniors have all said pretty cool things about it. But it does sound, sorta… Scary.

Anyway.

I’ve thinking about some things lately. Again, yeah XD And I was thinking, maybe it really is time to let go.

Okay I don’t know. I’m not in the right mind.

AHHHH whateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhatever.

2010-06-04T12:36:00.001+08:00

There’s something wrong with me. Something I can’t really describe. It’s like, I’ve lost my joy or something. I’ve been feeling so irritable today, and nothing makes me happy. And I harp on things I don’t have. Like, being able to go out normally like most people.

This is really bad. I should stop whining, and start being thankful again. What happened?

/edit: Today’s better :D Wrote that yesterday.

2010-05-30T18:34:00.001+08:00

I’ve been reading the Meg Cabot Airhead series. Waste of time. Grr, I can’t help it. I’m going nuts. And just as I thought it was going to be a brainless novel to help me relax. Haha. That’s rubbish. It’s a THRILLER. Srsly. T________T It’s about a girl who got a brain transplant and an organisation which kills to silence people. How’s that for relaxing chick lit T__________________T

Got some news today. Hmm. I’m so scared.

I’m not worried about IGNYTE anymore; I’m filled with a new excitement. What Pastor Andy said is true.

And I’m worried about tomorrow too…

2010-05-23T20:31:00.001+08:00

I hate the word.

2010-05-23T19:28:00.001+08:00

Y’know, it’s funny. Sometimes you never realise how much you overestimated how bad things get until something worse happens. I love in Christ, but sometimes I find it hard to tolerate people who can’t stop sulking about their situations when, if they took a step back they would realise how blessed they are in so many ways. Then again, I’m sulking now.

Bad things just somehow kept pouring in today. In the morning, in the afternoon.

I’m feeling very upset. But at least I did work.

2010-05-14T00:03:00.001+08:00

2 more nights of paradise, since Chinese New Year. In more ways than one, in fact! But I believe there is more to come(:

And on a completely irrelevant note, I realised I miss you. And you too! I miss you folks dearly.

And I still have mustered up that courage. Yet XD

(Oh how I love talking in codes…)(LOL)

2010-04-27T20:05:00.001+08:00

I was on FB acknowledging my birthday wishes, I saw, on my own profile:

“Trust in the Lord with all Your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.”

-Proverbs 3:5-6

Honestly, though my MSN name is “Laura will believe again”, sometimes I just feel that it’s hard. Man, my 16th birthday will be one I will never forget. Seriously. The weirdest of weird. RS presentation. Meeting with the principal. And this (the main thing la).

Y’know, it’s so pathetic, it’s funny.

2010-04-26T23:05:00.001+08:00

God, will you grant me my wish? Just a day? Please?

2010-04-12T22:04:00.001+08:00

GOSH, I should SO be studying! Not spending my time frivolously online doing frivolous things. GRAWR.

STUDY STUDY STUDY, VERY TRUDGY, FOR AN RG GIRL (sing along to Money Money Money)

Okay probably not for RG girls. More like, just for me! PHYSICS BIO PHYSICS BIO

Okay buhbye! Whee high~

2010-04-07T21:48:00.001+08:00

Oh please, can you guys just cut it out? Still not enough? PLEASE IT’S BEEN MORE THAN 3 MONTHS. Just shut up and get on with life. Do you know how frustrating it is for me?

Forget it. Some people just aren’t worth talking about.

JUST GIVE ME SOME PEACE WILL YA.

Haha, I feel like an emo kid. I’m not okay! I’m cheery and gay (as in, happy!) :D Yay. And spunky and bouncing around everywhere. Yay. But even spunky people have their areas of weakness, where they feel not-quite-so-spunky. And sometimes even spunky people are not spunky enough to deal with these.

Heh nevermind I’m still spunky and cool! :D Hah! (You know what? I feel bipolar writing this~!)

Okay okay hmmmmmm let’s sit down and think about life. Life has been... Slack. Seriously. I mugged for past few papers, I think. More than I did for some time already, anyway. And after that I got contented and slack and my system rejects anything academic. It’s psychological. Sheesh. Physics and Bio coming up! And gotta do History (W6), Math (?) and MEP PT (14 April!)

And… I need to spend time alone with God! I shall spend it now then, since I need some peace too(:

Oh I forgot to mention Sunday. It was about being tired, relying on your own strength and all. I realised it’s so true for me. Bro Nick (Was it Bro Nick? I think so!) prayed for me and he prayed for a renewal of faith and it like, just dawned upon me that for a while I stopped believing that my situations would change. It was as though I had given up all hope. And that’s why the sudden emotional detachment. That’s why I stopped crying about it. That’s why I could even cut out that section of my life and deal with it only when I had to. It’s like, it wasn’t important anymore. And I basically just shifted my focus to trivial distracting things.

So, although it’s sometimes hard to try to shift my focus back to unpleasant things (correction: on God who will help me deal with unpleasant things), I shall, no, I must believe again(:

Laura will believe again :D

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

2010-03-20T13:00:00.001+08:00

NEWSFLASH! Laura is finally done with 30 hours of CIP! Wheeeeeee~

Okay there’s still Responsibility in the Church, Responsibility in the Community, Responsibility in the World and maybe one other badge to be done! D:

I shall finish it today (and my exams die… XD)

AHHHHHHHHh buhbye

2010-03-13T23:22:00.001+08:00

Appeals to generosity. I’ve been doing a fair bit of that lately, as a result of my 2 month long quest to collect 30 CIP hours to get my pioneer pin and hopefully the pioneer brigadier brooch as well. It’s crazy busy, what with PB and exams both hot on my heels. Things will get better. No, they must(:

Anyway, I’ve learnt several things from these flag days and all:

1. Singaporeans are nicer than you think

- I was collecting in the rain and so many people were rejecting me (D:) but I met a bunch of Clarins girls and some really friendly passers-by who were so nice and encouraging! :D

2. People don’t donate mainly because:

- They lack the confidence to (I’m serious!)

- They’re lazy to dig out their wallets from the recesses of their bags

- They’re not really well-off

- They’ve already donated

3. More people donate than you would expect (especially on your first flag day)

4. Asking the right people is important, but don’t rule people out because of how they look. People often surprise you!

- People who fall under the “just trying my luck” category can just suddenly flash this wide toothy grin at you and reach for their wallets. Often enough!

- People who are conventionally regarded as generous donors (e.g. Caucasians) sometimes turn out to be not-very-generous donors. Serious. With experience, I’ve learnt: Don’t ask Caucasians unless they look at you first. To avoid sounding racist, I acknowledge that many of these people are tourists; if I were a tourist, I would donate to my own people first because that’s my responsibility. Plus this flag day thing might be something they’re not used to, hence the attitude. To their credit, I’ve met several generous Caucasians before too (usually those who look at your expectantly to ask for donations!)

- On that note, don’t let ANYONE who gives you an expectant look pass you by! Very often, these people are just waiting for you to ask(:

5. Guys are such good actors in front of their girlfriends

- A guy walking on his own is nearly half as likely to donate as one walking with his girlfriend

- Okay, but men in general have become increasingly generous over the years. Yay.

6. There are only 2 kinds of parents in the world (okay this might be mildly offensive):

- Those who inculcate the right values in their children

- Those who teach their kids all the wrong things

7. It’s easy to tell who carries fake branded bags (again, mildly offensive)

- The ones with real ones donate (It’ true! Especially the ladies with big sunglasses. Serious.)

- The ones with fake ones don’t

I’m kinda out of ideas for now. But Vivian and I also counted money today. So fun man! :D It’s quite funny there was this tin with LOTS of notes. Like seriously, quite few coins in it! But stuffed with notes. So we concluded that it must have been some shuai4ge1 or mei2nu3.

Anyway, gotta chiongz. Leading cell tomorrow and gotta clear all PB work by board camp or risk getting slaughtered during camp! D: *shudders*

Doing volunteer work is pretty fun actually; thinking about doing some after EOYs :D But for now I still need 8 more hours!

2010-03-10T21:05:00.001+08:00

I realise something. When I’m blogging, usually it means I’m TAWGing or at least thinking about it. When I’m not blogging shows that I don’t want to think about it at all and just want to distract myself with a bunch of meaningless things.

I NEED TO TAWG I NEED TO WORK UGH LAURA YOUR HOLS ARE JUST THIS SHORT AND MORE THAN HALF IS GONE! BUCK UP!

2010-03-03T20:53:00.001+08:00

I feel it. Something’s going to happen.

I wrote a pretty emo thing today in class because somehow I had some time during class. Maybe I finished the worksheet or something; don’t remember. Was going to type it in, but can’t find it. Hope no one found it or something.

My voice exam’s tomorrow. I’m scared.

I’m scared, not just for my voice exam.

I’m scared. To bits.

2010-02-23T23:18:00.001+08:00

Haven’t blogged for some time. Things have gotten, well, considerably worse, yet I feel considerably better. Haven’t cried in a while. Hmm…

Anyway, have been considering letting my friends in school know what’s going on. They’ve been really nice about everything!

I am in the process of evaluating my time managament strategies. I SHALL IMPROVE. YES. I SHALL SLEEP AT 9PM EVERYDAY, HAVING DONE ALL MY WORK AND GO TO BED 无忧无虑! So pleasant right? :D

Speaking of sleep, today was a huge fiasco. I was intending to wake at 4am to do some RS and English FA and Philo argument map, so I cleverly set my phone alarm. That worked; it was pretty aggressive. Unfortunately it was within arms length so it’s like *Grab* and *Jab SNOOZE*. It rang again in 5 min so I got fed up, turned it off, went back to sleep, and woke up at 6am instead. So there you have it. 2 hours less to slog, sleep lost. RAWR. I ended up dozing off during chinese as a result. I tried to listen okay! I even tried doing the tested-and-proven eye massage. Didn’t work la D: It’s a lot easier to doze off when you’re disengaged, and by that I mean, not talking. XD It’s so hard to fall asleep during SS even on a sleepy day. And though the morning was really a blur, philo (which was 1st block) wasn’t too bad…

RAWR LAURA. Do English FA now.

On a side note, in case I haven’t mentioned before, my internet fast is failing quite badly. I kept the deal for YouTube though. But this is a bit like the True Love Waits thing about compromise. Bit by bit you say, “Aiya okay la can la” then after a while everything becomes “Aiya okay la can la”. I haven’t written my commitment yet but I’m been thinking about it and have some idea. Trouble is, it’s pretty tough and I’m a bit worried. Ugh, I of little faith. *Scurries to private blog to post commitment before scurrying to do english FA*

2010-02-18T20:40:00.001+08:00

Standstill. Things are too still. It’s more comfortable this way, but it’s bad. Too much can happen because of this stillness. Yet it’s so hard to step out off.

Haha, funny y’know. I’ve been talking in codes for more than a month already, I think.

I need to catch up with my work. AND I’M MEETING MISS ONG TMR! Need to come up with an agenda ASAP. A good one that will keep us talking about constructive things.

2010-02-15T22:13:00.001+08:00

One day of paradise. I’m really glad to have this one day, yet I fear for days to come. But thank God for this one day of paradise! It was truly the fulfillment of my prayers. No, to be more precise, it was a lot more than I had asked for :D

I’m excited for tomorrow. Very excited, actually, for more than one reason. But there remains so much work untouched, so much stuff undone (and so much TAWG un-spent for that matter XD) Oh well gotta bite the bullet and just go! Ugh, PB work is an endless stream that nags at me at the back of my head. That’s kind of irritating, but necessary I guess!

I’ve been singing this song a lot lately (I even recorded it in case I get too dreary to play the guitar XD) and I love it!

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You

And as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

I really love Casting Crowns. Their songs are just so real.

Oh, and on a side note, I’ve been failing miserably with my fasting this CNY holiday. I think it’s because I’m looking for a worthy distraction to all this… mess. Bleh.

God He reigns

2010-02-10T22:30:00.001+08:00

I’m at a loss. Completely.

It’s kind of strange though. I’m like completely in denial. But the thing is, the whole situation is so absurb, how on earth can you expect me to believe it? My behaviour is absurb too, actually. I’m like, “Orhh, okay”. Haha. With some anger in there, I believe. And a whole bunch of denial. But I’m not upset (or so I think) and that’s just plain weird.

And the strange this is that things still seem normal on one hand. Haha it’s so hard to speak in codes sometimes I end up not saying anything that’s comprehensible XD

I have no idea what to do. And everyone whom I’ve told before sometime or another seems busy to me. As in, obviously to listen to me yabber about unpleasant things is uncomfortable… Not that they’ve told me so or I’ve tried to talk to them about my stuff lately but I just feel so bad bothering people. Sis Yinting is like, so busy la! Unless I’m totally desperate I wouldn’t want to trouble her D: Though she always says, “Don’t worry about bothering me”. The rest of them also tell me that and stuff like, “No don’t worry about it I really don’t mind listening” blahblah but I still feel bad to tell them anything! D: Haha, or maybe feeling bad is just an excuse on my part.

Hahaha the strange thing is that I was talking about the lofty ideas? If everything really happens, those aren’t going to be lofty ideas anymore. I’m going to try my best to make them real. They aren’t dreams; to me, they are solutions.

Then again, we’ll see how it goes. It’s hard to cling onto God, but I’ll try. No, I will.

2010-02-09T21:41:00.001+08:00

Wah I seriously need to buck up as an SP. While researching for my QT materials I remembered that I wrote some stuff about prayer to the Allstars in one of my emails. That was when I was still a PSP.

Honestly speaking, the emails were very lohsoh la. But charged with passion man.

Hi ALLSTARS!
This email will be the first of many emails you will be receiving from me! I hope that these emails will encourage you to GROW in your walk with God((:
Since this is the first email, I shall write about what God has done for me! Why? Because when I was Sec 1, I was very encouraged when I found out about how God grew my Sec 2 senior so much when she was Sec 1, to what she had become in Sec 2. It struck me that if God could do it for her, He could do it for me. From then I became very intentional in wanting to grow.
Before I entered IGNYTE ministry, I was REALLY vulgar and enjoyed gossiping about people. I went after positions of power, good grades, and popularity. But even when I had these things, I felt an emptiness within me, like there was something I needed. So I continued to 'hunger after' those things, which made me feel more and more that there was something else I needed. Sometimes at church when I saw people engage in worship, I would act-cool but secretly admire these people for their love and passion for God. And I guess this is what led me to discover that what I needed was God.

But it was only when I entered into IGNYTE ministry that my hunger for God increased and I started to change the way I lived. New beginnings and camp gave me a kick-start in my 'new-found' relationship. Regular services and FUEL helped to recharge me each week. But looking back, it was daily Time Alone With God (TAWG) that really helped me. What I mean by 'TAWG' here, in your present situations, is effort. It means being intentional. I remember how difficult it was for me to kick-in the habit of spending TAWG. After 2 weeks I felt I couldn't continue any more, but at that time God sent me seniors who came to tell me "Spend your TAWG, it's really important to grow in God." And together with a close IGNYTE friend, that's how I started spending my TAWG.
The effort you need to put in may mean to spend regular TAWG. Even if you do spend TAWG, have an active prayer life and all, I'm sure there are areas in your life God wants you to work on? Don't just take it as it comes. Be intentional! Make an effort to grow.
I've grown so much in the year of 2007, and I'm looking forward to more in this new year of 2008!
And just to ENCOURAGE (: all of you, here are the lyrics of a song that speaks my heart!
What He's Done
What He's done for me
Is so amazing
The love He has for me
I cannot explain
All I know is I once was lost but now am found
I was blind but now I see
And I know He can do for you
What He's done for me
I am confident that when you hunger after God, when you seek God, when you pursue God, GOD WILL NOT SHORTCHANGE YOU. GOD WILL NEVER DISAPPOINT YOU.
In an ending note, I really really want to encourage all of you ALLSTARS, in January 2008, to set your goals for this year, especially your spiritual goals, because they are going to shape and affect your priorities in life. What ever these goals may be, I suggest you paste it/write it some where you will see everyday. And every day when you see these goals, remember them and work towards them.
Be intentional, and shine for God!
Lots and lots of love (God's, and mine!)
Laura (:
[you can call me LOL]

Hello ALLSTARS!
I hope you look forward to this email! Take it as a mid-week reminder not to forget about God(:
I'm sure you've all been faithful in following the Bible reading plan, and praying for your friends in your Battle Plan, right? *grins*
Well... Not all is lost if you haven't, it's not too late to start! You only have 6 chapters in luke to catch up with((: Certainly good news for you!
Before I begin my 'message', I just want to thank you all for reading my previous email! Please continue to do so! It would also be great if you would like to reply some thoughts/reflections about the email to me! But that's totally optional. Any feedback/suggestions, possibly as to what I can email all of you about, are also welcomed.
Anyway, this email will be based on the verse from Jeremiah 29:13. God says "You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart". I'll be sharing about what this means, how it applies to us, as well as some personal experiences.
Back to Jer 29:13. When I first heard of this verse, I was like "DUH!" When you search for God with all your heart, you will obviously seek God! But now, what I feel this verse really means is that when we come to a point of desperation for God, He will honour that desperation with a greater hunger for Him, and He will honour that hunger by revealing (more of) Himself to us.
That might sound a bit complicated, so it might help if I showed a Biblical example?
If you remember, we read luke 5:27-32 a few days ago. It was about Levi the tax collector (who were notorious for swindling $$ at that time.) But the moment Jesus called him, he left everything and followed Jesus. That's how hungry he was to repent and change his way of life! I think the word 'everything' here summarises too much. Do you know the magnitude of the word everything? Think of the EVERYTHING in your life. If Jesus came one day (and you knew it was him) and called you, would you be hungry enough to follow him? Think about it.
Honestly speaking, if Jesus really came one day, I might not be hungry enough to drop everything and just follow him. I mean, I guess I would, but it's hard to say. I've struggled (still do sometimes) with keeping my hunger and passion for God going 24/7, year round. Sometimes TAWG becomes so much of a routine, it becomes a chore. I guess with our sinful human nature, it's difficult to continuously have so much zeal for God. I've been getting dry spell after dry spell recently, especially if I miss services or TAWG. I notice that trend in myself, so I really try as much as possible not to! Though my passion might not keep on burning (kerosene can run out okay!), putting in effort to keep it going helps! And the time we spend with God renews us and keeps us going! I testify to that(: So don't be discouraged if sometimes you feel distant or indifferent (bo chap) about God. Press on, don't let go!
Or what if you don't know how a touch of God feels like? I can't describe it in words, just know it's indescribably awesome. Even if you don't think you FEEL God or love God or something, maybe you could try thinking of all the things you have, family and friends, nature, all your blessings and gifts, and think of God, your creator, from whom these things come from. Keep giving thanks to God, and pray for hunger! If you don't know how to pray, ask God (you can ask me too..)! (:
Keep on praying and reading the Word!
<3 LOL ! :D
P.S. I love you! (Invite your friends, yea!)
P.P.S. Thanks goes to Bro Zhi Hao for highlighting keywords for us!

Hi ALLSTARS!

I'm sure all of you enjoyed Friday's event! It's awesome seeing IGNYTErs bringing in nearly 200 FTVs that night! Great job! :D

Continue to bring your friends for services/events and to pray and believe in their salvation, yea?
Yes, pray. I know this is something that some of us struggle with! But as I've been saying to those who've prayed with me, what counts is what comes from the heart. Of course, the use of verses, appropriate vocabulary etc is good to have, but I don't think that's the most important. One can blabber non-stop, using the most impressive vocabulary and the most appropriate and exhaustive list of things to pray about. But if the person doesn't mean it, if the people isn't sincere about it, it's just as good as nothing! I admit sometimes, especially if there's something I NEED to pray about, I blabber. It's like, I know HOW I should be praying, and I say everything out. And at the end of it I realise that I don't know what I've prayed for. It's sad! I know that's also one of the things I really need to work on this year, to mean everything that I pray.
You may ask, "Why is it so important to mean what I pray?" The thing is, God already knows what our needs are. When we pray, we are humbling ourselves to ask for it, which is what God wants! Just like even if your mum knows you need something, she might not get it right away! Sometimes, she waits for you to ask, right? ((:
2 Chronicles 7:14. "if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."
Remember that!
Now, I'd like to share an amazing testimony to all of you. This incident happened last year, around November, but it's only now that I see God's hand in it. I thank God that He has shown me that this is a powerful testimony of how prayer can work wonders, not just a mere coincidence as I dismissed it to be at the time when it happened.
I was blogsurfing one day when I chanced upon the blog of a girl my age called *Janice. Everything about her profile seemed fine, and she was even in the same class as one of my IGNYTE friends. I went to the 'posts' section and I was shocked to see so much hurt reflected in her first post, which was about being bullied. Even though I didn't know her, I could feel for her through what she had written. My heart went out to her and I thought, "She must come to experience the love of God that will heal her from all that hurt!"
Initially I wanted to tell my friend to bring Janice to church, but I didn't because I didn't know that friend well. So all I could do was to pray for her. I prayed hard that God would reveal Himself to her and that somehow or other she will come to experience His love.

Some time passed, and I forgot about the incident. That was until I saw my friend bring along a girl to church. I was thinking,"Great, an FTV!" but deep inside I thought, "Could that be Janice?"
And as I found out later, it certainly was.

I was totally totally amazed. I mean, I prayed for someone whose profile I had only seen online, and she didn't even know me. But by God's AWESOME power, she came to know Him!
Not only that. She began to regularly attend services and I eventually befriended her. And guess what? Less than 6 months from the start of this series of events, Janice rededicated her life to the Lord. God is good, amen?
As I recounted this to Janice and later, that IGNYTE friend, I asked, "Why did you decide to bring JANICE to church, out of so many people?" The response I received was, "You know what? She asked me to."
Why is God so awesome!!! :D

*Janice is a pseudonym.
I hope this testimony has shown you that prayer IS powerful and effective!
God bless all of you mighty prayer warriors! :D
<3 LOL

Hello ALLSTARS!
I hope all of you are enjoying your new school term? Well, do make sure that in spite of all your busyness, you still leave some time for God, eh? (:
As we move into Term 2, I guess some of you might still have the results from your previous term at the back of your mind.
Maybe they were good. Or maybe they were not as good as you'd expect them to be. But you know what? The Bible says to give thanks at all times (Psalms 119:62-even at midnight!) and in all circumstances (Ephesians 5:20).
I know it sounds difficult, especially when we're in the pits! But I've learnt that even when we're in such times, God still remembers us, carries our problems, gives us peace; He is always worthy of all our praise!
Listen to this song and think about the lyrics.
What does this tell us?
Forever- Chris Tomlin
Click HERE to listen
Click HERE for lyrics
To me, this song is about God's faithfulness in all things, and I think that alone is enough reason to give thanks.
Sometimes I really wonder what I would be doing, how I would be living if not for His faithfulness. I've had my lows, and I'll share one of them with you.
This happened mostly when I was in P3. Although it still happens sometimes, but the situation has improved greatly and I really thank God for it.
<Section cut out>

God's faithfulness is far from being the only reason to give thanks, but I thought that it might be easier to view the concept of thanksgiving when you can understand what you give thanks for!
Actually, I think thanksgiving is, in part, an 'obligation'. In the Lord's prayer, the first thing Jesus says (after Our Father in Heaven) is hallowed be thy name. In other words, Jesus' priority was not just to pile up his trolley with the items on His shopping list to God. He first gave thanks.
And sometimes giving thanks isn't so easy! Like in Luke 22:17, Jesus gave thanks for the bread and the cup, the very symbols representing His death. It's just like knowing that you're going to be killed tomorrow with a sword and a hammer and you give thanks for those things.
I'm using Jesus' stories because, as you'd know if you read your Bible (I'm sure you do! ;D), that Jesus always gave thanks!
And so should you! ;D
<3 LOL

Sorta embarrassing to read stuff I wrote in Sec 2. It’s very blatant. But it had that heart la. And I really hope to write something that will truly truly impact my GB mates for QT. My topic is “Pray Continually”.

2010-02-09T21:12:00.001+08:00

You have been good

You have been good

And I am in wonder how it can be

You have been good

You’ve been so good

In so many ways you’ve been good to me

I was made to praise you

I was made to praise You
I was made to glorify Your name
In every circumstance
To find a chance to thank You
I was made to love You
I was made to worship at Your feet
And to obey You, Lord
I was made for You
I will always praise You
I will always glorify Your name
In every circumstance
I'll find a chance to thank You
I will always love You
I will always worship at Your feet
And I'll obey You, Lord
I was made for You

Give thanks

Give thanks with a grateful heart

Give thanks to the Holy One

Give thanks because He's given

Jesus Christ His Son.

And now let the weak say "I am strong."

Let the poor say "I am rich."

Because of what the Lord has done for us

Give thanks

Admittedly, it’s been really tough la. In a sense the situation has now been compounded because I have:

1. Tons of homework, PB work, GB work, RS stuff, and leftover Taiwan work

2. Little time but little focus

3. Been finding it hard to spend TAWG and all

In a sense it’s good the stress hasn’t quite got to me. Of course it’s bad too. But I’ve learnt a lot this past month, way way more than I’ve learnt before. I’ve learnt to find joy, to give thanks in all circumstances. Just like it says in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18! (Speaking of which, I don’t see what’s so great about the song I wrote. I think it’s quite bland XD Don’t get why everyone seems to like it. Haha to be fair to myself, I wrote it in like, 10 min, and the verse has no meter to it! Okay but honestly la, even though I don’t really like it I’m still secretly happy about all the praise/attention it’s been receiving, though it’s dead hard not boasting/claiming credit since most don’t know who wrote it. Humility humility humility. Besides, ya la it’s not that great D:)

Tomorrow’s an exciting and slack day, everyone say yay :D Chem History Math, PE and CLE! :D Okay we have PB GM too, hopefully I don’t get scolded or something. GMs scare me. CLE is pretty exciting, hopefully. For one, we have awesome teachers. And it’s slack. And it’s pretty thought-provoking if you take it seriously, since we’re doing “success” this term. And PE is just awesome man :D

I should spend some time with God and do my homework. Hmm I shall write the QT materials for GB camp now :D

2010-02-08T22:40:00.001+08:00

HAHA strange. I’ve been talking about lofty ideas with friends 2 days in a row. Hmm…

Well things have been… Interesting. I can’t tell if it’s improving or getting worse. Can be either. Gotta press on pray hard. I’m dying under my homework honestly speaking. So much to do so little time!

GOTTA SPEND TAWG HAVEN’T BEEN SPENDING GOOD QUALITY TAWG IN SOME TIME.

URGH. WHY’S THERE SO MUCH TO DO DO.

Okay stop complaining get to work ><

2010-02-04T20:36:00.001+08:00

There’s been a considerable amount of action going on lately. It’s pretty daunting, honestly! For better for worse I really don’t know. It started off promising but now it seems things have gotten worse. Ohwell, gotta trust God and cling onto His promises.

Okay anyway, I do owe Lidan a little something XD She asked me what’s my purpose in life, so I said I would blog it. I don’t know why I can’t say it la; I’m quite shy, I guess. Really. I don’t think I’m ashamed of the gospel or of God in any way, but I am very shy sometimes D: Or maybe it’s just excuses. Hmm, something to think about.

My purpose is basically to seek serve and follow Christ (which is the GB mission too!), and to fulfil my God-given destiny. As in, I don’t buy into all these things about material success or power or even happiness. Haha, and by the way, I believe in joy, not happiness(: Happiness is conditional; joy doesn’t care about what happens- it remains in spite of the most dire of circumstances. Haha and joy is, in many ways, a choice! :D As for all the material stuff, if they come, they come. I’m not being impractical or unrealistic or having lofty ideas. I know how important money is. That doesn’t actually mean I care so much.

And to address the “fulfilling my God-given destiny” part, to be honest I don’t know what it is. I have an idea, but it’s still pretty hazy. In terms of jobs and all, especially. I am quite sure, though, that I do not have a full-time call. Haha, I thought having a full-time call was really cool, so I prayed about it for some time a couple of years back. And I usually know when God’s calling me to something (responding is another thing though!) Besides, we have altar calls for full-time call pretty often and I honestly don’t think I have one. Haha(: So yup, chances are, I will take on a secular job.

All this talk arose from the CLE lesson “What is success?” which was really pretty thought-provoking. We’ll be doing more of this in the weeks to come, so yeah, something to look forward to I guess :D

I need to spend some time with God! Lay down all my burdens and baggage :D And just spend some time in awe at the greatness of God.

2010-02-02T20:03:00.001+08:00

URGH. Do you know how long I took to stop missing Taiwan so much? With Mingdao’s visit today, I’m back at square one. GRAWR. Eh seriously leh!

The wushu guy from Mingdao came today! I presented something and played keys. Both weren’t very successful D: But we had fun, and talking to our buddies made me reminisce our wonderful Taiwan times. I WISH I BLOGGED DURING THAT MONTH. Oh well XD

ENOUGH OF TAIWAN. I shall try to go back to the harsh realities of life.

Now’s not time to be complacent. Things are improving, very VERY slightly. I THINK. I HOPE.

I’ve gotta continue interceding la.

100 things representative of my 4 weeks in Taiwan

2010-01-31T22:50:00.001+08:00

1. Stepping into 师大 and then the NTNU Hostel lobby
2. The lift that keeps closing on people
3. Talking water cooler
4. “Dudette” “Yes?” “Not you dudette, the other dudette!” –Yingxin (who often turns delirious and forgets names at night!)
5. 地下餐厅
6. Playing bridge, hearts and taiti with awesome buddies
7. The common room with the TV, sofa and lots of space to play cards
8. Playing TOD (especially the all-nighter on 5 Dec!)
9. 师大夜市 <3
10. Food coupons
11. Bubble tea from 会上隐（茉香奶茶）
12. Asking for toilet paper (and once, even twice in 2 days XD)
13. Teasing couples
14. Karaoke

15. Melty Kiss and Hi-Chew

16. Flipping through the dictionary (and googling) for 繁体字
17. Blue and pink room slippers
18. Water parade
19. Bed check at 9.45pm
20. Hearing Yingx Germ Selene Minghao etc. etc. swoon about DBSK
21. Prank calls
22. Worrying about overweight luggage
23. Gossiping at night with Selene and Ying Xin *tsk tsk* Okay not gossip; it’s just chitchat la.
24. 蓝组
25. Using nicknames (F4, KingKa etc...)
26. Crashing rooms
27. 淡水
28. Singing opera at night
29. Watching Selene do the limbo
30. Exercising in the cold cold night

31. Sleeping in class (and popping Vit C to stay awake)
32. Celebrating birthdays
33. 锅贴 and 水饺
34. 梁山伯与祝英台的爱情故事
35. Seeing our 班长 cross-dress (and the fake boobs)
36. The big hammer (after the balloon shooting @ Danshui!)
37. Meeting for rehearsals
38. 扯零
39. 皮雕
40. 吸管
41. 中国结
42. Watching catfights between Selene and Yingxin
43. Late-night intensive mugging (seeing people in the common room at 1am/2am!)
44. Having supper while mugging at night (Yoghurt with fruits instant oatmeal, milo, crackers, beef cup noodles!)
45. Room card-keys (which require special technique to use!)
46. Watching DBY in Taichung on Graduation Tour!
47. Squatting toilets
48. Feeling awkward in 偶像店s
49. The awesome stationery shop
50. Taking half an hour to reach the korean restaurant (thanks Selene XD) (The bimbimbab is AWESOME)
51. “我门失踪了！”
52. Spraying insect repellent everywhere (doorframe, mosquito net etc.)
53. Getting rid of the weird insectish things in our room (using a modified wire hanger!)
54. 爱情万岁
55. Receiving 1000NT, distributed by teachers, at random moments
56. Yummy bread from SunMerry Cafe
57. Arcade games
58. Using water pressure to wash the toilet
59. Sharing a tiny netbook
60. Eating strange burgers for breakfast
61. Fretting about 分班测验，默写，小考，期中考，期末考 and the end of term achievement test
62. Doing 造句 with Google
63. Chionging 习字，新诗 at night (with roomies to consult!)
64. Camwhoring
65. Watching korean movies instead of mugging at night
66. Blasting music (mainly Korean, DBSK etc.) in the room
67. The clothes bed XD
68. The cool balcony that joins 508 and 510 together!
69. Long bus rides
70. Eating in our rooms
71. Baked pasta and 肉锉面
72. Hanging wet clothes everywhere
73. Small drizzly rain
74. Umbrellas in the corridors
75. 辅导员s
76. Free 红茶 and 绿茶 in the huge pots with long ladles and plastic bags and rafia string and straws!
77. Walking down the streets like we've been there forever and rule the world

78. Freaky baroque music in the basement

79. 天灯

80. Talking about guys (we don’t mean the RI guys y’know XD) (okay except when we were complaining about their ungentlemanliness on the first day)

81. Preparing farewell parties for teachers

82. Handwashing clothes

83. Watermelon-guava-dragonfruit-kiwi-orange-pineapple-jambu-CHERRYTOMATO D: fruit boxes twice a day

84. Selene and her expenditure reports and earring shopping!

85. Yingxin and her “Changmin! Changmin! Junsuuuuuuu!”

86. “I think Jaejoong is ugly” –Laura (just to spite Minghao) “IOGJARJIOSJFOISJOISJMCOKMX! *strangles*” –Minghao

87. G5 and Janfusun Fancyworld (and the puke basins)

88. Cheese croquette from the Japanese restaurant

89. Mopping the room floor

90. Singing in the room with Yingx (and influencing Selene to eventually start singing in the shower!)

91. Kahmo (not-very-yummy) spaghetti

92. Playing pingpong at Hibiscus Hotel

93. Attempting to play pool on the 11th floor (with Addy’s instruction) (hint: keyword “attempting”)

94. Feeling good when we replied in Chinese to people who spoke to us in English. (And being able to speak Taiwanese too!)

95. Disposable underwear

96. Wearing my luggage key on my wrist and a ladybug whistle around my neck nearly all the time (I can’t believe I nearly forgot that)

97. Opening and closing my yellow luggage bag many many times a day (to put valuables and all)

98. 古亭站！

99. 西门丁！

100. Our awesome day at 中正纪念堂 watching 宝岛一村 and being really high at the Chiang Kai-Shek memorial hall. The view from up there was stunning! It’s like dark, with the pretty pretty lights!

Okay admittedly these are barely representative. I’ve wrecked my brain a fair bit and this is what I’ve got so far. I tried to squeeze some points together to make space, actually. But this list is really just a snippet of everything. I don’t know why, but I just miss those 4 weeks so much! Maybe it’s the weather, or the freedom to do anything you want, or the company. Probably the combination of everything. If I had the opportunity to go again there are some things I’d do differently though. For one, I wouldn’t go with the misconception that 1 month is very long. And I would spend more money (it’s worth it man)! I think the most saddening thing is that it’s highly unlikely I’ll get to stay in a hostel with such lovely people and do such lovely things in a lovely place for one whole month again. At least, not in the next 2 years.

Why the sudden Taiwan fever again? Maybe because ever since I returned things have been so tough and there’s been so much to worry about. Over there, not much, other than exams and homework. Which are inconsequential at the end of the day, anyway. In other words, the 1 month was like, time off from the harsh realities of life. Another reason why the Taiwan fever. MINGDAO HIGH SCHOOL IS COMING TO RGS! :D :D :D Hopefully my buddy’s coming :D

2010-01-30T20:51:00.001+08:00

I will never run out of things to thank God for. This is my conclusion. Was talking to Anders and I realised that recently, though situations have barely changed for the better (possibly even for the worse), that my outlook has changed drastically. I’m no longer pulling a long face and sighing every where I go; in a sense my behaviour and mood have reverted more or less to normal, I think.

Thank God for that la. I wanna spend TAWG and plan cell, but I’m teaching Xinkai math now. Hmm… Haha a bit more and I’ll go off!

2010-01-28T23:58:00.001+08:00

English AA I love you!

Okay maybe not. Because of my BELOVED, I haven’t done my other homework. 私函！Math Assignment! Goodness me… And I havent’ spent TAWG for a couple of days.

Well, work is a good distraction though, from all the things going on. I’m so, so glad there’s SP empowerment tomorrow night! :D

Okay I’ve got to chiong english now. Good thing I sneaked a teaspoon of coffee into my milo so now I’m bright cheery and awake. Coffee is scary. It’s like drugs.

2010-01-27T20:31:00.001+08:00

This whole experience has really taught me a whole lot about thanksgiving. And today is a day I wanna give thanks for. It’s nothing big or “eventful”, but precisely because it was relatively uneventful.

Thank God for a better day :D

Reminder to self: find something like a lollipop or a bar of chocolate for Chu Lee Voon and Han Jun! Or a pack of gummies or something! Birthday! Don’t forget! Oh and something to appreciate Joanna for writing minutes (and typing them in) for department meeting today! I must learn to be more people-centred. It’s not so easy okay!

2010-01-26T22:14:00.001+08:00

Psalms 13 is a Psalm that has touched my heart.

Psalm 13

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

¹ How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

³ Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

⁴ my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

⁶ I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

Deciding to read Psalms (which was a change of plan from Isaiah) was, I believe, a God-led decision. The last time I tried to read it I kept falling asleep. Unbelievable. Psalms is so, so beautiful. I love the book of Psalms(:

As usual, plenty of things on my mind. BIG HUGE GARGANTUAN ones, manageably small ones, puny ones. But it’s okay. I know that no matter how BIG HUGE GARGANTUAN these things get, my God is BIGGER HUGER AND GARGANTUAN-ER! No actually He’s the BIGGEST HUGGEST AND GARGANTUAN-EST! :D

Yeah :DD Gonna keep up my spirits and press on and believe.

2010-01-25T20:42:00.001+08:00

When will I ever stop having “such days”, I ask myself. Since last week it’s been so hard to get by. Yet everyday is a day the Lord has made, and we should rejoice and be glad in it :D

But this is also exactly what it means to count the cost, to pay the price, to carry the cross. These are often lines we sing in songs, sometimes meaninglessly.

And to be honest, sometimes when I sing these songs I do wonder what the cost will be for me. And then something I treasure pops up in my head, and I think, “If that is what it takes, what will I do? Will I give up Jesus?” But many a time such thoughts are too difficult to entertain, and the easier option is to simply chuck them aside.

It’s only during times like these when I stop to think, and do some soul-searching. I’ve thought long and hard about it. I thought, “If giving up Jesus will change my situation completely, would I?”

I know from the bottom of my heart that I will not.

From 3 big things and 1 frivolous thing on my mind, it has both downsized and upsized to 2 very big and bothering things. One extremely big and bothering (and bigger and more bothering than it was before) and another significantly less, but still very bothering in the current context (since I deal with this on top of the very big and bothering thing around).

And I can’t go around telling all these things.

And even if I do, the people I CAN tell can’t do anything. But pray, that is. As in, the smaller problem is not that hard to resolve if I could just approach and explain my situation and perhaps consider making a particular decision (which would require plenty of consideration too). But I can’t! I don’t want to explain the situation. I really really don’t know. It’s very blurry and all, but that’s also kinda, the point.

Here’s a verse Johann shared on Sunday that’s kept me going:

1 Corinthians 1:25

²⁵For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.

And I was just talking to God and telling Him how difficult I was finding things and this verse just rang in my mind.

There’s this song that’s kept me going too, on more than one occasion.

Voice of Truth (by Casting Crowns)

Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
you'll never win."
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the Voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you are the Voice of truth

And I will listen and believe the voice of truth, to know that “this is for My glory”, and not to be afraid.

2010-01-24T20:41:00.001+08:00

My mum’s sick D: Please keep her in your prayers.

2010-01-24T19:18:00.001+08:00

I miss Taiwan. It’s been nearly 2 months since we returned, and I miss it nearly as much as I did when I just returned.

But anyway, now’s not the time to be thinking about frivolous things like this.

2010-01-24T17:19:00.001+08:00

Oink oink, I am a pig.

I slept at 11pm the night before, woke up at 10am on Saturday morning. And then I slept at 11.30pm yesterday (okay maybe 12am) and woke up at 7am. And I was looking forward to sit down for a productive 3-4 hours of work this afternoon after returning for church, and guess what I did? Haha, I did about… 30-45min of english AA email discussion. And then after sending out 2 very very lengthy emails I glanced at my bed.

No prizes for guessing what happened next.

And yes I’m still tired *snores* but if I sleep any more, uhh, I’m going die. My work! D:

Urgh. Urgh. Urgh.

I need to spend TAWG too. Didn’t spend TAWG yesterday. Nowadays everyday is eventful. A less eventful day is a day of even more thanksgiving. But it also causes complacency. Must press on, and continue to intercede.

*snores*

Aiyo Laura…

2010-01-23T13:15:00.001+08:00

Okay, probably not. (In response to yesterday!)

I’ve been trying to get my mind off these huge horrible things and think about the more frivolous things on my mind. Doesn’t work either XD

2010-01-22T22:18:00.001+08:00

Was there breakthrough? I wonder.

2010-01-22T17:13:00.001+08:00

Finally, it rained again. From my eyes, I mean. This week has been such a week, I was wondering how I could go through without tearing a single drop.

It feels good, but at the same time, I can’t explain the feeling. It’s utter despair, and at the same time, the knowledge that the Lord is with me. I asked myself, “Laura why are you crying?” And I concluded that I had been touched by the love of God.

I shall not attempt to describe today’s events here. It is impossible to do so here. *runs to private blog*. But that’s not what I want to share. I am here to share about my worship today, which was absolutely AMAZING.

We have overcome

Thanks be to God
Who always causes us to triumph in His name
Thanks be to God
Who always causes us to win, yeah
Thanks be to God
Who always causes us to triumph in His name
Thanks be to God
Thanks be to God
We have overcome
Hallelujah, hallelujah
We have overcome
By the power of your name
Jesus you’re the one
Hallelujah, hallelujah
The one who made a way
For us to triumph in His name
Oh, oh, Oh, oh
We got the victory
Everything will be alright, alright
We got the victory
Everything will be alright
‘Cause we’re on the wining side

How could I live without you

How could I live without You
How could I survive
Without Your love
Without Your touch
You’re the One that heals me
And cleanses my heart
And sets me free

Now i come right before You
With my hands lifted up
With my heart humbly bowed
At Your work on the cross
As You hang there and die
You were paying the price
For my life, For my life

For Your love is higher than the heavens
Deeper than the seas
And all I want is You in my life
No one else can satisfy my soul
Can make me feel this way
Only You Lord, only You

Here in my life

I have never walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet but
At your Word Lord, I’ll receive Your
Faith to walk on oceans deep
And I remember how You found me:
In that very same place
All my failing surely would've drowned me
But You made a way
You are my freedom
Jesus you’re the reason
I’m kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life, here in my life?
You have said that all the heavens
Sing for joy at one who finds
The way to freedom, truth of Jesus
Bought from death into His life
And I remember how You saw me:
Through the eyes of Your grace
And though the cost was Your beloved for me
Still you made a way!

I want to let Jesus love me

I want to let Jesus love me

Put His arms around me

Touch my arms so I can see

That I am beautiful

I want to let Jesus love me

Put His arms around me

Lift me high so I can see

The beauty of the Lord

Faithful God

I serve a God who is faithful,
and He will never fail
When i’m in the desert
He’s a river of hope

I serve a God who is faithful,
His faithfulness prevails
Lord I Put my trust in You

Chorus:
I serve a God,
who is faithful and true
I will hide, in the shelter of Your wings
For i find my rest in Your faithfulness
Yes i serve a faithful God

Can’t let go

God Your unfailing love
Holds me by the hand
It never lets go of me
No matter how far I’ve ran
God You knew my name
Before I came to be
And you long for me
Just to stay in Your arms
So I want to sing
Ohh
It’s Your love that I’m holding on to
It’s Your face, that I look upon
It’s Your strength, that I can lean on
I won’t let go of You
In my trials, I will praise You
In my fears it’s you I will run to
I will sing of how You have loved me
Lord I can’t let go of You

I could sing of your love forever

Over the mountains and the sea,
Your river runs with love for me,
and I will open up my heart
and let the Healer set me free.
I'm happy to be in the truth,
and I will daily lift my hands:
for I will always sing of when
Your love came down. [Yeah!]
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever. [Repeat]
Oh, I feel like dancing -
it's foolishness I know;
but, when the world has seen the light,
they will dance with joy,
like we're dancing now.

Complete

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
And I will be complete in You.

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
And by faith, I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day,
And I will be complete in You

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears.

Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

Consuming Fire

There must be more than this,
O breath of God come breathe within,
There must be more than this,
Spirit of God we wait for You.
Fill us anew we pray,
Fill us anew we pray.

Consuming fire fan into flame,
A passion for Your Name,
Spirit of God fall in this place,
Lord have Your way,
Lord have Your way with us,

Come like a rushing wind,
Clothe us with power from on high,
Now set the captives free,
Leave us abandoned to Your praise.
Lord let Your glory fall,
Lord let Your glory fall.

Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
A passion for Your Name.

Yours is the kingdom

Yours is the Kingdom
And the power
And the glory forever is Yours
Heaven and earth bow down
In the wonder of Your Name
Heaven is open
Death is broken
And the glory forever is Yours
Nothing can overcome
The power of Your Name
King above kings
All the universe will sing
Everlasting God
You are wonderful
You are wonderful
And the shout of the earth
Will be Your praise
God forever
And the light unto all
Will be Your wonderful Name
For the glory Lord is Yours
God forever
All the glory Lord is Yours

Counting on God (in some other post)

Desert Song (in some other post)

Can’t Let Go

God Your unfailing love
Holds me by the hand
You never let go of me
No matter how far I've ran
God You knew my name
Before I came to be
And You long for me
Just to stay in Your arms
So I want to sing
Ohh
It's Your love I'm holding onto
It's Your face that I look upon
It's Your strength that I can lean on
I won't let go of you
In my trials I will praise you
In my fears it's you I will run to
I will sing of how You have loved me
Lord I can't let go of You
Jesus you gave your life
As ransom for my sins
You willingly paid the price
Of shame and suffering
Now Christ has set me free
I know where I will be
Standing in Your courts
Lifting up my hands
Praising with this song
Ohh

Hossanna

I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes
Yeeeah
I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing
[Chorus]
Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest [x2]
I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees
[Chorus]
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity
[Chorus x2]
Hosanna in the highest

I know this worship was REALLY LONG, but I enjoyed every moment of it. So much I had to write about it and try to recall the songs I sang. There might have been one or two more though… (: I didn’t plan anything; I just flowed as usual, and each time the Lord placed a new song in my head, songs that spoke to me in new and amazing ways, songs that spoke of different aspects of God. This season has been trying, really trying, but I must admit that I’ve enjoyed spending so much quality time with God, which honestly speaking, during the good times I would probably not be willing to part with at all. I’ve also enjoyed the ministry that I’ve been doing. Talking, praying, knowing that God is with me, empowering me and flowing as the spirit leads. It’s all so amazing. It’s like, saying things you never knew you knew.

When I started worshipping today, I was just so stressed, and I was filled with such… A heart for everyone/everything going on. Basically I felt very burdened. I could feel my heart sink today. Like *plonk*. And as it has been lately, I was reluctant to deal with things. I just hoped to get by and hide and avoid trouble. But I thank God that I did not refuse anyone of ministry. That my spirit was still available to serve, though my flesh was weak, and in the end I still went.

Yeahh my flesh IS weak. But my God is strong(: Really need God’s empowerment tie me through. This is really taxing stuff. Not that I wasn’t prepped before anything actually happened that this was to be year of moulding and trial XD

2010-01-21T20:23:00.001+08:00

This has really been one kind of week. There are easily 4 big things on my mind. 3 pretty serious ones, and then 1 slightly frivolous one I feel guilty even thinking about it. It’s nothing wrong, just that with all these serious things to deal with I shouldn’t be thinking about other stuff for now.

And I started the week with 1 very worrying thing on my mind, and thinking it was really stressful.

Haha. Well still goes to show that there’s so much we can give thanks for. Shall keep my spirits high. Didn’t spend TAWG yesterday. Shall read the word and pray today. Worship… Well… Honestly speaking, not in the mood. Bad bad bad. :X Okay maybe I shall try to worship.

ARGH. I’m going kuku! I was singing Bob the Builder, Hi-5, Carebears, Powerpuff Girls, Barney and other songs from cartoons today. Ask Dionne XD

“I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” – Philippians 3:14

Many people have told me I look stressed/gloomy/glum/moody etc. etc. lately. Yet I can’t tell them the one thing that’s been bugging me most. I feel kinda bad, but… No, I really can’t.

The joy of the Lord is my strength! :D GO LAURA! *grins cheesily*

2010-01-20T23:08:00.001+08:00

Life is fragile. Life is delicate. Life is the crystal champagne glass perched precariously at a corner, atop a towering skyscraper. Yet so many of us never learn to give thanks for the much we have been given; and yet so many of us never learn to treasure life at its fullest.

Here’s to all who have been living examples of the vibrancy of life to us during our encounters, however ephemeral, however fleeting. For it is indeed the dash that matters most between all those years.

We have truly, truly been blessed.

In memory.

2010-01-19T22:22:00.001+08:00

I’ve been thinking about something else lately, other than the stuff I’ve been yabbering about all this while. I’ve read up a bit too! Well, we’ll see how it goes :D Hopefully, hopefully.

2010-01-19T20:11:00.001+08:00

I was doing some research online about a particular topic, and I found something I… didn’t really want to find. I don’t quite know how to handle my newly acquired knowledge. It’s good and bad la. Good because otherwise I wouldn’t have known. Bad because I don’t know what to do with it, and because I might be wrong (which is actually a good thing, I guess).

2010-01-19T17:50:00.001+08:00

Today is one of those peanut butter days. One of those days where the atmosphere is peanut butter. Serious. Ask my mates at school.

But there remains plenty to give thanks about, and I keep my spirits high, my soul at peace and my heart rejoicing because I know the Lord is with me(:

2010-01-18T22:02:00.001+08:00

I am amazed, truly, truly amazed.

While my situation has not changed, and in fact, got a few times worse, I remain strong and rooted in the Lord.

I don’t know what the future holds, really. It is a huge uncertainty, and if anything happens there will be certain decisions I will have to make. I am very very tempted to make an unconventional decision, but we’ll deal with that IF the time comes.

But as far as possible, if I am able to, I will not choose one of two options, but one of three. That’s as much as I will say.

I thank God for the strength and resilience and clear-headedness He has given me. I do not tear. Not one drop. And it’s not a facade! It’s REAL.

And I know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

(From 2nd Corinthians 4)

⁷But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed… ¹⁶Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2010-01-18T21:07:00.001+08:00

I am very nearly at my wits’ end.

But I cling on knowing that God is with me.

I’ve been reading Psalms. It is such a blessing to read this word. It is full of people who weep, yet rejoice at the greatness of God. It speaks of God’s faithfulness. It speaks of God’s mercy. And it speaks of the God who prevails.

I praise the Lord.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

¹⁶Be joyful always; ¹⁷pray continually; ¹⁸give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

He’s Able

He's able, He's able, I know He's able;
I know my Lord is able to carry me through.

He healed the broken-hearted
and set the captive free;
He made the lame to walk again
and caused the blind to see.

He's able, He's able, I know He's able;
I know my Lord is able to carry me through.

God will make a way

God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way
Oh, God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way
By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and Earth will fade but His Word will still remain
And He will do something new today
Oh, God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way
By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and Earth will fade but His Word will still remain
And He will do something new today
Oh, God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way

2010-01-17T23:13:00.001+08:00

I’m suffering from a bit of an information overload, but I’m very happy for __________. I really hope ____________ takes it seriously, because I am serious about helping. I have a heart for people, and I want to see lives changed for the glory of God. Lord, empower me.

2010-01-17T19:30:00.000+08:00

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful 
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out 
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering 
Though there's pain in the offering 
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out 
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

2010-01-17T18:44:00.001+08:00

I went back to my private blog, because this blog… Kinda limits the content of my posts a fair bit. Anyway, today I was reminded of the song Roman 16:19 says. It’s an old song, but I love the energy and the power in this simple, simple song.

I went on YouTube, but that’s because I’ve only heard the song once and forgot how it’s sung. It’s REALLY hard to go on YouTube and be steadfast enough to scram the moment the song stops playing.

ROMANS 16:19 SAYS!

Romans 16:19 says!
Romans 16:19 says!
[2x]
Be excellent in what is good
Be innocent of evil
Be excellent in what is good
Be innocent of evil
[Chorus:]
And the God of Peace will soon crush Satan
God will crush him underneath your feet!
And the God of Peace will soon crush Satan
God will crush him underneath your feet!
Be excellent in what is good
Be innocent of evil
Be excellent in what is good
Be innocent of evil
[chorus 2x]
Romans 16:19 says!

If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ll definitely have guessed by now that I’m going through a tough time. I’m sorry I am unable to reveal any details, but anyway, do keep me in prayer. Do not, however, try to comfort me or something (: Haha, the joy of the Lord is my strength. There is nothing I need less than to wallow in self-pity. This is not the time. It is not a time of sinking into depression or passively thinking about things. Now is the time to advance. To arise. To intercede and war like there is no tomorrow.

I’ve learnt a very interesting lesson through yesterday’s experience. It is not difficult to tell when you are doing something right. Because the moment you do it, not too long later something shocking happens. And then you realise that what you did before SCARED the devil. So much he had to try scaring you back!

AHAHA anyway too bad doesn’t work. I am going strong. I trust in the Lord and know I have been called as a Gideon (mentioned in earlier posts). Incidentally Sis Gwen preached from Judges 6 today- the passage that spoke to me during TAWG in IGNORMOUS Camp!

I’m gonna spend some TAWG now and go do my work. Praying hard that I won’t get distracted but I’ll do much today!

P.S. There’s one more thing I want to thank God for! I went to church this morning feeling REALLY unhappy and gloomy. I got there really early la, because I felt like it. And I met this girl Zoey who got there even earlier than I did. She’s this spunky, talkative, joyful Sec 1 girl who’s EXTREMELY EXTREMELY cute! Haha, I had a lot of fun talking to her and have been truly blessed, simply by enjoying her company for that 1.5h.

2010-01-15T00:26:00.001+08:00

Just got back from a relatively disappointing concert D: Waste time lahh, could be better spent. I did some pretty weird things today, things I never expected I would do. Not a bad thing really, just… Weird. But well I guess some people can and should be trusted.

I’m vetting TIES and putting together booking book documents and emailing the supplier now. Hope I don’t take too long- I’m dead tired. I’m meeting Miss Ong tomorrow regarding Comms stuff, so I’d better get my stuff sorted out too! Like, questions to ask her, issues to deal with, individual project discussions…

I haven’t read the word in a while, though I’ve had times of worship and prayer through the course of the week. In just the blink of an eye, 2 weeks of school are almost over. No wonder 4 weeks in Taiwan seemed so short! The reality is- it WAS short.

I actually still miss Taiwan a whole lot. I don’t know why, but somehow the freedom I had there has given me such an emotional attachment to the place. Yeah sure the people I spent the 28 days with were AMAZING, but at least I can still meet them now. I can’t meet the place anymore D: (oh, on a side note, I’m so pleased I took away the bubble tea shop huishangying’s pocket menu! :D)

Well, I should get back to work and then SLEEP. I want to sleep. I cannot waste time. I must keep to my fast. It’s half a week already! HAHA, big deal. Nahh with God’s strength I’m sure I can last till the end of the year(:

Bye! <3!

2010-01-11T21:12:00.001+08:00

WOW I’m bad at this. I broke fast by accident already- ON THE FIRST DAY T______T

I was checking my gmail as usual, and I opened up a notification email from FB as usual, and clicked the link as usual, and THERE YOU HAVE IT I LANDED UP ON FB WITHOUT KNOWING.

I must be more careful in future! The net has been such an integral part of life that consciously not using it is no longer enough. Things that are more “subconscious”, like clicking a link in an email, can still land me on FB XD

Anyway, today’s been pretty good and productive, I guess. I’m packing my table right now. I just had my fruit, and was watching a TV show on channel U at the same time. Basically in the show, they feature a family who’s been through a crisis (in this episode it’s a man with 5 children who lost his wife). So what Quan Yifeng and the other host did is that they cleaned up their house, served them, bought them some things, and gave them a surprise. I only caught a bit of the episode, so the man was talking about how difficult it was to carry on, how he contemplated suicide and everything. So after all the sharing and cleaning up, Quan Yifeng and the other host sat down with him and his family and gave the kids gifts (bags, shoes) and mentioned that no one in the family knew what the youngest kid’s shoe sizes were. Then Quan Yifeng continued to say that as a family they should pay more attention to one another and express their affection in more tangible ways other than, in the case of the father, just working hard everyday to earn money for the family. Then was this touching part where the hosts ask the man, “Do you love your children” and he said yes. Then they asked if he had ever said it before, and he said no. So they asked the children if they would like to hear it and they were nodding vigourously. So the guy mustered up all his couraged and said it and hugged all his kids. It was so sweet! :D And then they also organised dinner for the whole family. They haven’t eaten together for THREE YEARS! D: I was so “awww”-ed out throughout the 10-15min I was watching!

Oh well, reinforces the fact that I AM blessed! :D

I shall go bathe now and hopefully manage to clear my table and do everything by the end of today :D :D :D (before the clock strikes 12 D:)

2010-01-10T19:53:00.001+08:00

I am so blessed, so blessed.

You know what? I realise now that I have been an ungrateful freak. Seriously. I was just sitting here at my comp, thinking about things and suddenly it struck me that I am so blessed. And in spite of that, I choose to focus on what I am not blessed with rather than the many many things that God has blessed me with!

And one of the things that I thank God so much for are my friends. In the past I used to think I just wasn’t the cool kind, and if I didn’t stick around popular people I wouldn’t have good friends. Another thing I always thought was that I didn’t need my friends. But I think in these past few years I’ve been in IGNYTE, in RG, I’ve learnt that that’s far from the truth.

And today is one of those days I arrive at this conclusion, once again. For the 3 awesome friends who blessed me today, thank you. I know it was weird to do what I did all of a sudden there, but honestly, when I saw the SMS I was so scared I didn’t know what to do but to just talk, since you guys were around (compared to when I’m all alone). Thank you for praying for me and blessing me with your uplifting words of encouragement. Thank you for all the concern you showered on me. I truly felt the love of God through you guys today(:

And there are so many other things to thank God for too! I realise that while triumph is truly “still on it’s way”, there are other reasons to smile during the storm. And that in all things, there is that unspeakable joy that is within me, that sustains me, that brings me through.

And so here we have it (though I haven’t actively thought about it!), my 2010 focus points!

(On a side note, today’s sermon/service was hugely relevant to my situation. My anthem of the season (Counting on God) was sung, and somehow so many songs, verses spoke to me. And that’s why you see so much of that stuff here!)

Keywords: Thanksgiving, “greaterness”, active faith, molding, trial (interestingly, these 2 were prophetic; they came from someone who doesn’t know me very well, if I don’t remember wrongly.)

People (from the Bible I mean): Gideon

Verse: This one’s interesting. I learnt this Psalm by heart in 2005, as an “assignment” from my dad. Back then, it was but a "cool thing” I could do to impress people, and honestly I didn’t understand it much. 5 years have passed, and this Psalm remains in my heart, just as clearly as it did then. And I am so glad I learnt this Psalm, because it never fails to speak to me.

Psalms 91

¹ He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. ^[a]

² I will say ^[b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

³ Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

⁹ If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

¹⁰ then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

¹³ You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

¹⁴ "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

¹⁵ He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

¹⁶ With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

Song: Desert song

VERSE 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
VERSE 2:
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame
CHORUS:
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
VERSE 3:
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
CHORUS:
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
BRIDGE:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship (x4)
CHORUS:
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here (x2)
VERSE 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

So there :D AWESOMEE! I was going start on Isaiah, but I suddenly decided to start on Psalms instead. Hmm… Yeah I think that’s good. I’m gonna go into a time of worship now, and then spend some time praying and seeking God, and then pack my room and read the chinese papers and sing and go to bed :D I’ve stopped my one-meal fast due to concerns from my mum, and so I’m gonna start on my INTERNET FAST tomorrow! Which means no internet, except for INET, email, blogger, and MSN. And any stuff I know I actually need for work (my conscience will have to exercise some discretion here!) Oh, but I’m going to do this till the end of the year! As in, 31st December D: So I shall have a break every Sunday communion! :D

Yeahh. Please don’t tempt me to break fast. That’s one of the most painful and regretable things for me to do! (Though I can already start to imagine how absolutely difficult it will be to PLAY online once a month even when all the exams are over!)

2010-01-07T21:00:00.001+08:00

I’m pretty flustered now, after a string of events that happened today. I was quite stressed in the afternoon, because of some technical problems and all that we had for some PB stuff. Now it’s been solved, kinda, but because of this someone else is now stressed. I’m worried la, because I’m very very worried that this person will get too stressed and burnt out and all. And tired.

But something pretty amazing just happened. I sat down and I thought, “My world is crashing down”. (Sounds so serious right! D:) And then SUDDENLY the song that goes “Into your hands, I commit again, with all I am, for you Lord. You hold my world in the palm of you hand…” It is literally impossible for my world to crash down!

Anyway, I’ve really got to pray hard and press on and know that God is able.

2010-01-06T00:22:00.001+08:00

Okay, so I’m gonna try to keep this active, despite the fact that it’s 12.15am now. First day of school today. Okay la, not too bad. Everything seems to be just… Normal.

Yeah, everything. I’m pretty excited for some stuff though; I hope it actually happens. We’ll see how it goes.

Oh, and I’m on an indefinitely long one-meal fast. No, I’m not doing it until something happens. I’m doing it “permanently”. Okay knowing me, this isn’t exactly viable. I’m going to switch to an internet fast somewhere along the line, but I need a while to get used to the idea that I might not be going on FB/youtube/read conan for 9 months or so. So yeah. I’m fasting from food for now. I’ve gotta remember to pray though. Oftentimes it IS pretty easy to get more caught up in not eating than praying itself! For me, at least.

And I’ve gotta keep up my TAWGs. Can’t lag again.

There’s still PB work to do. And Taiwan work too. Gotta clear it before the homework comes streaming in. No, not streaming. FLYING in.

Haha okay that’s all for today. Buhbye(:

2010-01-03T18:07:00.000+08:00

It's high time for me to arise and advance again, after such a long "hiatus". So yeah, I'm back. Blogging has done me much good in the past and I thought it might be a good idea for me to pick it up again, amidst my hectic schedule next year.

I had a very good worship today at home. I really needed it. 2010 will not be an easy year and this was a good recharging point. I really thank God for the assurance He has given me through this time. Indeed, the joy of the Lord is my strength!

Counting on God
I'm in a fight not physical
And I'm in a war
But not with this world
You are the light that's beautiful
And I want more
I want all that's Yours

Joy unspeakable that won't go away
And just enough strength
To live for today
So I never have to worry
What tomorrow will bring
'Cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God

I am counting on
I am counting on God

The miracle of Christ in me
Is the mystery that sets me free
I'm nothing like I used to be
Open up your eyes you'll see

Empower Me
Nobody knows how weak I am
Better than You
Nobody sees all of my needs
Better than You
And nobody has the power to change me
From what I was meant to be
Jesus be strong in my weakness
Empower Me

Empower Me
Like a rushing river flowing through the sea
Lord send Your Holy Spirit flowing down through me
Till I'm living as Your child
Victorious and free
Send the power of Your love
Empower Me

There's lots of work awaiting me, but just a short one on what I learnt today. During worship I sang many praise songs exalting the name of the Lord, songs like Be Glorified, etc. And it is so important to thank God, in spite of all the circumstances that come along.

I'm pretty excited for the coming year. There are battles to be won and I pray this year will be a year of breakthrough, not only in my walk with God, but also beyond. School's starting- I have to cling onto God and not "lose touch" with Him along the way!

2009-10-24T21:33:00.001+08:00

I’ve been working my guts out D:

2009-10-21T21:13:00.001+08:00

Where is the moment we needed the most 
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost 
You tell me your blue skies fade to grey 
You tell me your passion's gone away 
And I don't need no carryin' on 

You stand in the line just to hit a new low 
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go 
You tell me your life's been way off line 
You're falling to pieces everytime 
And I don't need no carryin' on 

Because you had a bad day 
You're taking one down 
You sing a sad song just to turn it around 
You say you don't know 
You tell me don't lie 
You work at a smile and you go for a ride 
You had a bad day 
The camera don't lie 
You're coming back down and you really don't mind 
You had a bad day 
You had a bad day 

Well, you need a blue sky holiday 
The point is they laugh at what you say 
And I don't need no carryin' on 

You had a bad day 
You're taking one down 
You sing a sad song just to turn it around 
You say you don't know 
You tell me don't lie 
You work at a smile and you go for a ride 
You had a bad day 
The camera don't lie 
You're coming back down and you really don't mind 
You had a bad day 

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink 
And the whole thing turns out wrong 
You might not make it back and you know 
That you could be well oh that strong 
And I'm not wrong (ahhh...) 

So where is the passion when you need it the most 
Oh, you and I 
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost 

'Cause you had a bad day 
You're taking one down 
You sing a sad song just to turn it around 
You say you don't know 
You tell me don't lie 
You work at a smile and you go for a ride 
You had a bad day 
You've seen what you like 
And how does it feel for one more time 
You had a bad day 
You had a bad day 

(Oh, yeah, yeaaah, yeah) 
Had a bad day 
(Oh, had a bad day) 
Had a bad day 
(Oh, yeah, yeah, yeeeeah) 
Had a bad day 
(Oh, had a bad day) 
Had a bad day... 
Had a bad day...

BASE LEVEL INFERENCE QUESTION:

What kind of day did Laura have today?

2009-10-20T22:52:00.001+08:00

Ahaha I lose. Loser loser XD

Eesh, so much work! D: I don’t wanna work any more! D: I wanna go on strike!

EESH. Lotsa stuff on my mind

EESH. Lotsa stuff; not just work.

2009-10-19T17:01:00.001+08:00

Ugh, GET OUT OF MY MIND!

2009-10-13T16:19:00.001+08:00

Saviour, He CAN move the mountains.

I believe in the name of Jesus. I believe that He is an all-powerful God. I believe that in Him, nothing is impossible. And I believe in Romans 8:28, that in all these things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Lord I surrender all this to you.

2009-10-13T11:17:00.001+08:00

The exams are over. LALALA.

I’m not feeling the euphoria though. I guess the happiness you feel when the exams are over is pretty much relative to the amount of work you put in? Either way, I’m certainly not looking forward to the release of results next week. There is much uncertainty whether I can make the cut and satisfy my mum.

Well well. I’m trying to pack up my room. IT’S HARD WORK D: ehehe.

But I’m happy! :D Time to catch up with friends, blog and do some reflection, make some music, learn to cook and clean and sew (in preparation for the Taiwan trip! :D)

And lots more.

Spend some quality time with God. Well that’s something I haven’t been able to do properly lately. Other than the worships. Which gets pretty distracting with guitar too, at times. Oh well.

Lots on my mind, but I’ll just take things as they come and try not to think too much.

2009-10-09T21:45:00.001+08:00

I’m having a nonsensical conversation with Elaine, Yifeng and Mr Tan on MSN. We’re talking about beards… And blackheads… And astronomers…

Anyway, just a quick update. The exams haven’t been quite so bad. I expected a lot worse, honestly, considering the amount of work put in this year. This is a record low. But I think I failed SS D:

Ohwell. Thank God anyway. There’s this hymn I like(: I’ll post it some day. Someday :D

2009-10-07T20:15:00.001+08:00

Passwords.

After having to send in countless I-forgot-my-password requests, I have finally had enough. Unfortunately, that’s only where my torture begins.

I have a very bad habit. A bad habit of creating many many accounts. I have created at least 11 email accounts (whose IDs and Passwords I am still able to remember), 2 Youtube accounts, 4 blog-related accounts, an Imeem, 5 social networking accounts, a DeviantArt, 2 photo sharing accounts, a few karaoke accounts (teehee, I’m secretly narcissistic) and countless forum memberships, and probably a lot more lying around.

I should mend my ways! 改过自新。Hahaha. 那个小偷竟敢在光天化日之下，大庭广众面前为非作歹，真是胆大包天。我们应该把它绅之依法，交由警方处理，让他受到法律的制裁。Hee, PSLE Oral Chinese verbiage that I memorised but that never came out D: How tragic.

Man, I should go study. Ugh. Math, then Chem and History on Friday. My CHEM is dead. I’ve barely started! D: My history’s not much better, but at least you won’t die completely if you don’t know your stuff (I think).

D: D: D:

Eeks.

On my own. Oh well.

2009-10-06T22:37:00.001+08:00

On My Own

And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
Without a home, without a friend
without a face to say hello to
But now the night is near
And I can make-believe he's here
Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head
On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me
In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers
I love him
But every day I'm lonely
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known
I love him
I love him
I love him...
But only on my own...
(sniffle)

Lovely song from Les Mis

Does this work?

2009-10-02T14:09:00.001+08:00

Whee I just downloaded Windows Live Writer. And it seems to work! :D Ooh(:

2009-06-11T23:18:00.000+08:00

I MUST SPEND TAWG. I MUST SPEND TAWG. It is unbelievable and extremely disappointing that I have not had TAWG for eons AGAIN. Despite my best of efforts. And I have continued to sleep between 12mn - 2.30am. GRAWR.

I am running out of time! D: I've not started a single PT. And it seems many people don't quite understand.

(Like, I don't mean to be mean or point fingers or what but I think my GB batch doesn't quite see the magnitude of the amount of work my campaign demands, and are still expecting me to do their work. I'm totally totally fine doing what's expected of me or doing something that perhaps I could provide some extra help/insight to. But asking me to do something that they could easily do on their own I feel is in part laziness and pushing work to me. I'm not trying to diva myself up and make it look like, y'know, just because I'm campaigning I can't do any GB work. I'm not saying that! I'm just saying that I hoped for a little bit more understanding and perhaps assistance, in the sense that they consider constraints on my end as well. I won't tell them though; at the end of the day GB is still a family and at the same time a commitment for me and the possibilty of misunderstanding is not worth it, really.)

2009-06-07T22:55:00.000+08:00

Wow. Wow. Wow.

What happened to my June Holidays! It's GONE. GONE. GONE. Well, okay, not that I'm complaining. I have lots MORE to be thankful for. But before I begin, can I just say this- I'm pretty shocked with Lidan's response to my blog. I expected her to be surprised about what I blog/think about, but she was like, "That's so Laura!" Hmm, I'm impressed(:

Anyway, anyway, I'm gonna yabber about my holidays. What I have to do, what I want to do, what I hope to get out of it, and what I will do (come to some sort of compromise between what I have to do and what I want to do, according to what I hope to get out of it). Gosh, I sound like I'm writing some sort of... REPORT. Grawr.

MY HOLIDAY TO-DO LIST:

1. SS PT

2. Chinese PT

3. Bio PT

4. 2 Zian Baos

5. 2 Xiao Lian Bis

6. Learn Ting Xie/Mo Xie/Cheng Yu test stuff

7. Get my chinese file in order (contents page mainly)

8. Chinese report writing

9. Read history notes

10. Math worksheet

11. Chem worksheet

12. Dynamics post-test on Moodle

13. RGPB Website

14. TIES (okay this one's due soon, like, tomorrow)

15. Study/research for IMUN

16. Plan buddy outing

17. Plan June Camp FOOD

18. Plan June Camp worship

19. Plan buzz group outing

20. MY CAMPAIGN :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D D:

Serious, that's how I feel about my campaign! I'm very very very very very very excited and very glad to have this opportunity, but at the same time I'm just very slightly disappointed that once again I have no chance to rest and have to continue slogging until the end of the year with no recharging point (seeing that the September holidays have NEVER given me the chance to have a good break). I was actually looking forward to the June Holidays a lot because of all the exciting things I have (like IMUN) lined up and the thought of being able to sleep early and wake up late most days just gave me this whole feeling of "Ahh, niceeeee". Truth is, the earliest I've slept this week is 12 midnight and the latest is 2.30am. Thanks to Physics PT, MEP Camp, Sergeants Weekend and some campaign stuff. More late nights to come, obviously, looking at my to-do list. But anyway, I'm gonna try to sleep early. Sleeping early is important. Health is wealth, blah blah blah. Muahaha. Anyway, the June holidays is still a blessing. Imagine having all these things and still having to go to school every day! *faints* But I survived 6 months right? So this should be a breeze right? (Haha, lousy attempt to convince myself that the holidays won't be too tiring.)

Whatever the case, I'm going to try my best to use the holidays to get my walk with God back on track. I know I've said it so many times and meant it so many times but somehow something more tangibly urgent/important/interesting popped up so once again I chuck it to the corner.

Okay I should try to start off well. I'll log off NOW, spend TAWG NOW, sleep immediately after that. *with renewed determination*

Stir it up in our hearts Lord

Stir it up in our hearts

A passion for Your name

2009-06-07T21:31:00.000+08:00

I haven't been here in eons, and WOW, so much has changed. 2009 has zoomed before me, and guess what? THE JUNE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING! So much has gone on that I really don't know where or how to start, so I don't think I'll start at all. But what I can say is that I actually miss blogging a fair bit. I always thought of blogging as a really integral part of my lifestyle and I think it is (was, at least). Listen to Laura's wise words (cough cough ahem ahem) "Blogging is good reflection..." *flashes out mirror* Okay okay not meaning to be punny. This post was meant to be serious; what am I doing!

Basically the year has been pretty good for me I guess, especially when it comes to school. I love my class, I love my subjects, I love my friends and teachers and all the things I do in school. Trust me, Sec 3 life has been a blast for me. (Okay, disregard the papers that were given out today and everything has been going good! xD) PB stuff, GB stuff, PEP stuff, MEP stuff, basically everything has been fine and pretty much enjoyable. I've been working my head off (SLIOT, FDAY i/c, TIES, RGPB Website) and having lots of fun and being more mugger, hardworking and efficient than before. (Although I do remember wasting some time reading LIAR GAME before Physics/History/EL/CL/MEP History/MEP Harmony, oopsy!) Anyway, I think you get the drift.

But unfortunately, the same cannot be said of my walk with God and church stuff, which I'm really upset about. That's probably the reason behind my (supposed) unhappiness. As in, people have been telling me that I was a lot more hyper last year and this year I'm a bit more reserved (even though I'm still pretty chatty and loud). I realised that even when everything's going well, I don't have the joy I used to have. When I finish my work and log off at 12mn (or so), my body drags me to bed and my brain nags at me to read the Bible. Let me make a brave but honest confession: I have really been lagging at my TAWG and it's becoming really unhealthy. When my brain nags at me, I mutter a short prayer and wonder off to lalaland, but when my brain doesn't nag I just take the express train there directly. How unbecoming of me. The same goes to church stuff. I used to be a lot more zealous, a lot more punctual (though i still am), a lot more committed. What happened? I think I lost my fire. Not completely because the hunger is still there, but the thing is this- hunger cannot remain hunger forever because it doesn't turn into passion that way!

Still, I have plenty to thank God for. I hope to spend the time I have during the June holidays to spend lots of TAWG.
Anyway, gotta go. Will try to post again soon, even if no one reads :D

Being a Joshua

2009-01-19T20:32:00.001+08:00

For the year of 2009, God has been speaking to me about being a Joshua. I still hold closely the 2 words God placed upon my heart last year, faith and courage, because God is not done with me then, but the Joshua bit is simply amazing. I remember seeking God for direction and vision for the year of 2009 last year, and on the 2nd day of RAD(i)CAL Camp, God gave me "Joshua". It was so puzzling at first, but it's all coming together. The most amazing thing about it is that even before anyone started talking about the book of Joshua, God had already spoken to me about it. At that time though, I was stunned. "Joshua? It's not an adjective or a common noun. What on earth does that mean!" And so that's how I was led to the book of Joshua. So much has been preached about Joshua. Joshua the (new) leader, and bearer of great responsibility Joshua the faithful, Joshua the willing, Joshua the overcomer, Joshua the victor, Joshua the man of faith. There have been so many lessons I have learnt even through reading the book of Joshua. I don't know why, but I've not been following the Bible Reading Plan for some time now, because God has been leading me to different passages totally "unrelated" to the Bible Reading Plan. I know that as an SP reading following the Bible Reading Plan will set a good example, but at the same time I know that God is leading me in a different direction.

Before I move on to more things, here's a testimony from Radical camp. First off, THESE were my expectations from camp:

1. New vision & direction for 2009, and beyond (fulfilled for 2009, not just be a Joshua, but also revival among Christians in RGS then moving out, and reaching out to my class. God has also given me a promise which I will share in my next post.)

2. Breakthrough stagnancy in my walk with God to grow to a new level of faith and a deeper relationship (fulfilled, thus far)

3. New level of worship & prayer (fulfilled)

4. New realisation of God's omnipresence (in the works)

5. Retuning my directions for ministry expressions (fulfilled; IH + PTF + SP)

6. Learn to lean on God in uncertain and trying times and to place CONFIDENCE in God (the trying times have yet to come, but I know what they will be and I can see how placing confidence in God is going be so, so important!)

I thank God for the fulfillment of the vast majority for my expectations, as well as revealing His promises and His plans as to what will come in this year of 2009. I will really need tons and tons of faith to pull through, to move out of self-doubt and to trust in God, and to know that as 2 Corinthians 12:9 says "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness". All glory be to God, and I look forward to a great year of learning, growing and impacting the lives of others!

Pastor Gary's Post

2008-10-22T21:11:00.001+08:00

Courage to Move forward

October 21st, 2008 by pastorgarychia

Hi folks,, too long never write here..so decided to write something ya… don’t really like facebook writing cause it is bit too exposed…. so prefer friendster when i can write my thoughts down..
God has been speaking to me about having the courage to move forward. Lately, i experienced quite a few disappointments and discouragement in my life. i was a little upset but yet i know that i cannot dwell in that too much because God has bigger plans for me. Sometimes, it hard to move forward because there are people whom you care about, think about and then it affects you because the time and effort spent.
anyway in my conversation in God, he gave this word ‘Courage’ i begin to seek him more and really wanting to know more about this… i mean..surely i know what courage means right? but i was wrong… God revealed to me what IGNYTE, Trinity@Adam can become in 2009. I was in awe because it seems hard to pull it off. On top of that there are so many limtiations i see around me and disappointments, i told God..how can i move? so hard, so challenging. so many unknowns….. but isn’t this what you need? COURAGE.
It seems that only when we have courage to walk then we will see breakthroughs. Sometimes, limitations and discouragements slows us down from moving forward but GOd sees it as an opportunity for me to see limitations and obstacles break down! While in my natural mind, my intellect tells me it is gonna pretty hard..really difficult..God says… take courage and move forward..sometimes it is as simple as that..nothing spectular, no signs and wonders, no big time experience, just take the courage and go.
Sometimes it can kind of a lonely journey where no one can understand. But God understand and that’s all it matter. Friends, no matter where you are or how you feel… God is in control, he knows what we need, what we lack and He will fulfuil it in his timing He sees best.
Courage is when you choose to jump off the moutain and allow God’s hand to lift you up. Sometimes it is that moment you just have to jump and trust God for it. Go ahead, ‘drink’ courage and plunge to the breakthrus of God in your life today. =>

This post came from pastor gary's blog at http://pastorgarychia.blog.friendster.com/2008/10/courage-to-move-forward/

Back to basics

2008-10-22T21:02:00.000+08:00

Faith and courage.

This sprung up in my mind as I read Pastor Gary's new blog post, which had the word "Courage" in it. It was then that I recalled what Sis Kassey had said to me during Battlecall last year, that these 2 words were to be words that would guide me through the year. And yes, it's been a difficult year.

Until now, I would have said no, it has been an easy year, because everything was rather enjoyable and easy going (due to the fact that I slacked a lot, watched plenty of dramas and didn't put much thought in my walk with God for a considerable period of time.)

Of course those of you who know what's going on would probably agree with me that now things are getting tough, but it's not true that things have been smooth. My walk with God has definitely been very very bad this year.

Okay I think I shan't say more. I also don't want to be a stumbling block to any of my juniors (church?) who might read this.

But at the end of the day, all I can say is that I thank God for being who He is and I trust that He is the one who is capable of leading me through all situations.

I've written a song, actually, but I'm still refining it and being really picky about it.

And I will continue to pray and believe that indeed, in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

New Song Cafe- How Great is our God!

2008-08-16T10:55:00.007+08:00

Hosanna by Hillsong

2008-08-16T10:55:00.005+08:00

Give Us Clean Hands

2008-08-16T10:55:00.003+08:00

Oh God let us be a generation that seeks Your face!

I offer my life

2008-08-16T10:55:00.001+08:00

2008-07-27T17:50:00.000+08:00

Dr Wong asked me to apply for Childaid!
Wheeheehee.

Well, not saying that I'm definitely gonna get it or what, but it's exciting right?

But gosh, I'm like, a novice with no experience.

This might get a little scary.

(But whatever it is, I'm gonna do recording! Sounds fun, heh!)

But it clashes with the exams.

Ahh well.

I'll mug chinese first since mock test is tomorrow.

Wheeheehee.

2008-07-26T15:12:00.001+08:00

Hah, my mum's trying to learn Psalms 91.
Turns out Bible cherades IS quite fun.

Maybe we can try that as a game during FUEL.

Hah.

2008-06-14T14:54:00.000+08:00

Check this out!

> God said: I miss talking with you.
>
> I said: What? I just prayed on Sunday.
>
> How often do you talk with Katie?
>
> I dunno.
>
> Think about it.
>
> Well, OK. Let's see . . . we usually hang together before school,
> then we have English and math together. And — oh yeah — we've got
> study hall together in the afternoon. And lunch, I forgot about lunch.
> We eat lunch together every day.
>
> So how often do you talk with Katie?
>
> I guess all the time. We call each other a few times during the week
> to check on homework stuff. And we instant-message a lot in the
> evenings when we're both on the computer. I'd say we pretty much talk
> all the time. After all, she is my best friend!
>
> How often do you talk with Me?
>
> I don't know.
>
> Think about it.
>
> Sigh. Well . . . on Sundays at church — and at youth group. You know.
>
> I'd love to talk with you more.
>
> But God, I already give You chitchat time.
>
> I want more than chitchat. I'd like for you to tell Me everything.
>
> Everything?
>
> Why not? I already know what you're thinking anyway.
>
> Yeah. And that's just it! If You know everything, what's the big deal
> about me having to talk with You?
>
> Having to talk? Hmmm. I was hoping it would be more of an enjoyment
> instead of an obligation.
>
> Ah, You know what I mean.
>
> You're right, I do. And that's exactly what hurts Me. Most of the
> time when you speak with Me, it's because you feel you're supposed to,
> or it's because your back is against the wall and you need help —
> fast.
>
> I didn't know You felt that way.
>
> My child, I paid the highest price I could pay for you. I long to be
> with you and to hear you voice your thoughts, your joys, your tears,
> your loneliness, your victories.
>
> Well, OK. If it really means that much to You. But I still don't get
> this prayer thing. If You already know what I'm going to say before I
> even say it, what's the point in telling You?
>
> It's the process.
>
> Huh?
>
> Remember last week when Katie took first place in the track meet?
>
> Sure! I remember. Boy, was she excited!
>
> Yes. And you were, too.
>
> Well, yeah. I am her best friend. You know.
>
> But you actually heard about it before Katie told you.
>
> Oh, yeah! Jason told me before I even saw Katie.
>
> But when Katie rushed to you, waving her ribbon, you were just as
> happy and proud for her as if you were hearing the news for the first
> time.
>
> Yeah.
>
> That's friendship. That's relationship. That's love. Would you have
> wanted her to keep the news from you because you already knew?
>
> No way! I love it when Katie gets excited. Her face lights up with
> that crooked grin, and her eyes glow like sparklers.
>
> I feel the same way.
>
> Hmmm.
>
> I not only love for you to tell Me everything — I can't wait to hear it!
>
> I think I'm starting to understand.
>
> I'm not finished with Katie yet.
>
> Oh?
>
> Yeah. Let's keep talking about your friendship for just a bit longer.
>
> OK.
>
> The more you two share (secrets, giggles, notes), and the more you
> two do (trips together, youth group parties, football games), the
> closer you become.
>
> So it's doing stuff that makes us such great friends, right?
>
> Partly right. But I really want you to think about this, OK?
>
> OK.
>
> It's also the p-r-o-c-e-s-s.
>
> I'm thinking.
>
> The time invested in sharing and doing.
>
> Yeah. I get it. We're sort of investing ourselves in each other's lives.
>
> Exactly. And your friendship is growing because of it.
>
> Yeah! Cool.
>
> Do you hear what I'm saying?
>
> Keep talking. I'm listening, God. I really am. I want to get this.
>
> Your relationship with Me is pretty static right now.
>
> Static?
>
> Yeah. Dull. Boring.
>
> I didn't think You noticed stuff like that.
>
> I'm God, remember?
>
> Oh, yeah.
>
> But it doesn't have to be static. Don't forget. I died so we could
> have a relationship — an exciting, fun relationship, not a boring one.
>
> Well, what can I do?
>
> Spend more time with Me. Talk to Me. When you cry, let Me wipe your
> tears. When you ace a history exam, share your good news with Me. When
> Lisa snubs you in the hallway, tell Me how bad it hurts. I want our
> relationship to grow.
>
> Wow. Lord, I've never even thought of all that. I mean, why would You
> be so interested in my everyday, ordinary life?
>
> Because I love you. Oh, how I love you!
>
> Jesus, I'm sorry. I've pretty much left You on the shelf. I mean,
> yeah, I go to church, and I even read my Bible at times, and people
> know I'm a Christian. But You want me to grow in You too, and I
> haven't been — I've been static, just like You said. Will You forgive
> me?
>
> I forgive you.
>
> Jesus, I want to have a best-friend, Lord-of-Lords relationship with
> You. I want You to own me and consume me.
>
> Yes! That's what I want, too. And you know what?
>
> What?
>
> I love the way you're praying right now.
>
> Praying? I'm not praying. We're just talking.
>
> Yeah. And that's exactly what prayer is.
>
> I get it.
>
> Open, honest, consistent communication.
>
> I can't wait till tomorrow morning.
>
> Why's that?
>
> I'm going to get up early and pray.
>
> You don't have to wait till tomorrow morning. Talk to Me when you get
> up at 1:30 a.m. to go to the bathroom.
>
> Really?
>
> Sure! And at 3 a.m. when you're tossing in bed and scrunching your pillow.
>
> Hey! How'd You know I always? . . . Oh, yeah, You're God.
>
> Right.
>
> Well, in that case, how about hanging out right now? I've got some
> stuff I need to talk with You about.
>
> Great. This is the moment I've been waiting for.

I guess it's true for most of us, in at least some ways.

Which brings me to what I was really excited to blog about.
SP empowerment.

I've been whining about how terrible my walk with God has been thus far etcetc and I've received a lot from God during SP empowerment.

Interestingly, what God spoke to me about was amazingly simple, yet so powerful.

I'm not going to say so much because I just realised it's kinda weird to say stuff for all the world to read, regardless of whether they actually do.

SO.
I'm gonna start a private blog again.
I wonder whether I'll really come back here, hmm...

And hopefully I can say a lot more xD

Not now though!
Science proposal, learn ting xie.
The science proposal's half killing me! xP

2008-06-02T20:01:00.000+08:00

I can't help but blog about this.
Guess what?
God miraculously worked up a streak of compassion in a murderous insect killer who took the lives of numerous innocent young flies and ants (okay maybe not so innocent for drinking my fruit juice or making me dizzy spinning round me!)

Today I stepped on a fly (you know, those little things that have a particular inexplicable attraction to light, especially on rainy days. Yea, one of those guys.
I did it because they were flying around and they were irritating, so when it came up next to my slipper, I stepped on it rather gently. But alas, when I lifted my slipper, the sad truth dawned upon me (okay maybe not SO dramatic.) It was dead.

And then don'tknowwhy but I suddenly freaked out! And then I looked at it and I felt so sad. And so guilty. And then I felt so bad I said "Sorry!" and scolded myself for being a hypocrite. And then my dad started laughing. And I was talking about how bad I felt and everything! At first he just said stuff like, "It's okay" "calm down" "relax" but I continued my "I FEEL SO BAD!" thing. So he said "repent!" and then I started laughing, which is why I can blog about it now.

But seriously!
The poor fly!
I just saw a picture of it in head and I'm freaking out again!
AHHHHH I FEEL SO BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

Gah, I don't think I'm going to kill a fly ever again.

2008-06-02T17:22:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I've been here.
I should be busy; rather, I should GET busy.
Yet, a week into the holidays, I have neither started my PTs nor practiced ANY piano at all.
Besides all this work, I thought it might be a good idea to use this to speak to my SBs a bit more and spend more time with God, especially since I've been cutting on that lately.
Unfortunately, this isn't all happening.
While it's not true that I've been completely idle since I returned from Corporal's Camp (I've prepared for SMO and I'm trying to finish MCS now. So much math, gosh), there remains a lot more to be done.
Considering my terrible results last semester, well, (trails off xDD)

One more thing.
Hah.
I started watching Nodama Cantabile.
I think it's really cool because of all the music in it.
Haha, the soprano was singing Voi che sapete in part 1 or part 2.
They're using all the famous pieces!
I wonder if the actors/actresses are really playing those things.
It seems pretty real to me =D

Dramas, dramas.
I'm cutting down!
Besides, J-dramas are REALLY short.
Promise! ((:

2008-05-26T17:24:00.000+08:00

After being away for so long, both physically (camp after camp) and mentally [on a side note, spiritually too], I've decided to come back and face reality.

There are plenty of things I've got to catch-up on, including work.
SMO is tomorrow, MCS due on 4th June.
4 PTs.

CHURCH
Find out about multiplication.
Prayer pointers by TODAY.

But, no, I'm not even talking about these things, however important or urgent they seem to be.

Let me face it, I'm drifting from God again.

It's been some time.

I don't get it. I know it's not a good idea to ask WHY because it gives rise to doubt, but WHY is it that some how I just find it so hard to grow this year. It's like there's this plateau that I reach, and after some time of stagnancy, I just go down.
Conclusion: It's some stronghold. I think so. In fact, I know so. It's... whatdoyoucallthat... A BONDAGE.
OHMYFREAKINGGOODNESS MY MUM HAS A BOOK CALLED THE BONDAGE BREAKER!
AHA! I shall borrow it and read it.
But that's beside the point.

I was looking down my links and I realised that I haven't read Ern Chuen's blog for ages. Well, He's grown. And His posts are as encouraging as ever.

"Quick post in the midst of exams. Sometimes it's good to mug. xD Not that I enjoy it. But it's because somehow God slots in a reminder here and there. I was going through my history notes. Perfectly normal. And then I came across my notes on Communism which I had completely forgot about. In case you don't know, communism is the complete removal of any social class, any every gets equal status with equal share of benefit. We were suppose to discuss whether this is a good form of government in a country. And I wrote, "Too good to be true. Everyone has to be kind, honest and put others before you. A certain impossibility." Reading this remark again reminded me of how imperfect this world is. How unstable it is. But i really like this =) Slotted just next to this statement, I wrote something really random and yet, it was the reassurance of a loving Father. "Democracy=Freedom? JESUS=Freedom"
I was brought back to a moment in time, last year in my times of extreme lows, and then I saw the love of God holding on to me. I was brought back to the Battlecall camp, where God was pouring forth annointing and bring us into a history-making moment. I look back at what I've done before, and I fear i might go back to the same thing. Maybe you feel this way. Well, God is saying to you today. You're free. You're free. You're free to dance, free to jump, free to live out the victory He has purposed for you. I'M FREE. My sins, He has cast away as far as the east is from the west. My past, He will use to reflect His glory. I AM FREE. Whenever you get bombarded spiritually, whenever you think you're this close to going back to your past, let the resounding praise of God drown out the utter lies whispered into your ears. I AM FREE. =) "

Whenever you think you're this close to going back to your past.
My sentiments exactly.

Right now I'm feeling that same blurriness/spinning sensation again.
But with a pinch of indifference.

This is not good.

Another strong hint that suggests I need urgent help.
Was leading worship today at camp.
I was so totally just SINGING.
Worshiping and singing are so totally different things.

One more thing.
I really want to talk to Deborah Tang.
I still miss her loads.
And, I want to give her her overdue present and letter, and take her out.

Gosh, what a packed holiday.
Which is good.
AND.
I WILL NOT WATCH ANY MORE DRAMAS FROM THIS DAY ON.
EXCEPT MAYBE SWEET 18 WHICH IS IN MY IPOD, ONLY WHEN I'M OUT OF MY HOUSE.
IF I DARE, I WILL FORCE MYSELF TO BLOG IT AND YOU WILL SEE IT. XDD

2008-05-19T16:49:00.001+08:00

BTW the stuff from the pre-camp post have been generally resolved but I guess this will be pretty much long term.......

2008-05-19T16:33:00.000+08:00

SHPS GB Camp was fun.
Primary school kids are interesting, haha.
It's been only 1.5 years, and I say that already.
Heh.
The overly enthusiastic OR completely reserved and shy OR act-cool/very cool.
Haha.
Children Worship is so fun!
All the actions, WHEE!
Haha, my leg muscles hurt because of the "Jesus My Best Friend" song XD
45 CIP hours for 3 days!
Heh.
I could earn >100 in a week then! ((:
Anyway, I'm SO going for SHPS GB camp next year.
Free food, free lodging, nice officers, (generally) cute kids, CIP hours.
WHOA.
XP

2008-05-15T19:09:00.000+08:00

things aren't going too well.
What can I say.
It's my fault la.
But I don't know what to do.
As in, I've apologised and all, but she says she's given up.
It's scary.
It's like she hates my guts.
And not just my guts.

Well I told myself one thing.
No matter how much you hate me, I will continue to love you.

2008-05-14T16:41:00.000+08:00

I feel like a spoilt brat.
You know, the kind that does whatever she wants and sulks when what comes is anything less than satisfactory.
Results came out today.
Well, I'd say math was sufficiently disastrous and so was everything else, except geog and maybe history.
But I still thank God la.
I mean, I studied less than last year and I agree that I 'sacrificed' math because I didn't see this exam as so important.
Oh well.
Feeling quite 'mixed' now because I've been falling behind on my walk with God, of late.
Like, this week, after the exams have ended.
I've been slacking and watching dramas.
This drama thing has caused my academic downfall, I can say for sure.
I don't know what to do about it.
It's not as if I don't want to study.
Oh how I wish I was some mugger kid who can't get off her books when the exams are only 2 months away. That would be SO pleasant.
I'm some procrastinator person who wants something but takes no action.
Speaking of which, geog PT, which I'm less than half done with.
And, FUEL homework.
I should really get to doing it.
Since it's about procrastination.
Well, I guess it's time to make good this time.
Last year I learnt that it's possible to improve a GPA by 0.4.
So I guess it's not too late.
I'd better learn my lesson just like I did last year.
Even so, last year wasn't that very spectacular either.
I'm rambling.
asijw89rujaweiofjsfjadso;k
I suddenly remembered! Worship ministry!
Gosh, it's definitely not time to tell my parents what P Gary told me to tell them after multiplication, with results like these.

Okay I admit my results weren't THAT bad, as some would say. But very frankly speaking (assuming no one chances upon this), I'm not comparing to the lowest marks or even the average mark. That's not called high expectations, that's called setting standards and targets; benchmarking. It's got to be the right people.

2008-05-08T19:56:00.000+08:00

MYAs are over.
Thank God.
I'm on a card-making/singing/enjoying life moe now.
Haha, card-making because of *shush* mothers' day and water baptism and being ALLSTARS' new birthday I/C XD
Card-making is pretty fun.
It's just.. tedious, heh.

2008-05-04T13:25:00.000+08:00

To walk in righteousness. Sermon yesterday spoke to me very much, but I guess I didn't respond to it as strongly as I would have. Right now let me just say that my walk with God's getting back on track. It's been going well, although I'm absolutely certain that it's not the best. Haha, ACS motto! XD
It's a good feeling to know that I'm getting more in line with the things of God again, yet there's this lingering feeling that I've been unable to describe for ages that's still bugging me. It's gotten so bad that when asked for prayer requests or to describe situations, I try to describe it, fail miserably and send the wrong message across! But basically, the feeling is that somethings' not right. After yesterday's message, I would think it's caused by righteousness (rather, the lack of it.)
Walking in the ways of God is never easy. But I guess for nearly the whole of last year, it was something I was striving so hard to achieve. And although I would get tired and fail at times, I'd say I was walking in the light much of the time. It was a good feeling.
Somewhere along the way, situations came in the way. I think that was December last year, after SP class (all fired up) and shortly after Battlecall, the devil came against me very very very hard. It was this terrible blow that I've not completely recovered from, and it was immensely painful. The lingering feeling? It's probably guilt- from not living righteously as I once strived to.
I know that I've not been living right. I've been doing things I would shun from last year. School's not helping either. And friends, they help but they can also work the other way. Oh well. This post sounds so emo! XP To me, at least! ANYWAY!
I shall cut the long story short; I'm becoming more and more long-winded! D:
Basically I guess that problem is that I've gotten so worn out living right before God and I kinda, gave up? And then I felt really bad and then it's been bugging me all this time?
Hm, I should be thinking about geog since I'm only halfway through that. Maybe not even halfway. Ohwell.

The Beauty of Nature

2008-04-30T13:13:00.000+08:00

I remember the time when Disneyland was greeted by wide grins and anything scenic or natural was regarded with disdain. It wasn't so long ago, actually, but, thank God I now know better =D
I was gazing out of the back seat window on my way home from school today, and it struck me how pretty the trees look. And I'm not really a fan of the colour green. It's just that each tree looked different. Some were tall, hunky umbrella trees, very muscular, with abs and what not. Some were tall but slim, others were short and anorexic. But the thing about each of these trees is that they are all different. And they are all beautiful, in their own ways. Some trees had dainty pinkish leaves, some had pruple leaves, some just had the normal green leaves. But even in the green, there was an array of colours. It just went together, somehow, despite all the bitsy differences. And although birds nest ferns or stag horn ferns may be sort-of, 'parasitic' (not that they eat up the tree though,) they looked pretty on the trees. Somehow, just somehow.
But exactly, how? I believe these beautiful things we see around really point towards the presence of our creator, God. There's this song I sang long time ago in choir. It's called all things bright and beautiful. It was a hymn, but the melody was changed to make it into a choral work. It captures the essence of this post. Hmm, I'll go find it.

  All things bright and beautiful, 
 all creatures great and small, 
 all things wise and wonderful:  
 the Lord God made them all.

1. Each little flower that opens, 
 each little bird that sings, 
 God made their glowing colors, 
 and made their tiny wings.  
 (Refrain)

2. The purple-headed mountains, 
 the river running by, 
 the sunset and the morning 
 that brightens up the sky.  
 (Refrain)

3. The cold wind in the winter, 
 the pleasant summer sun, 
 the ripe fruits in the garden:  
 God made them every one.  
 (Refrain)

4. God gave us eyes to see them, 
 and lips that we might tell 
 how great is God Almighty, 
 who has made all things well.

Indeed, the Lord God made them all.

2008-04-28T22:33:00.000+08:00

Quick update here.
Things have been good.
Although for the weekends I was really busy with concert and all, I had a fair bit of time to recharge and read my history notes once through. Okay I admit I didn't really study on my birthday but HEY, it's just one day (nyeh nyeh fine forgive me just once!)
Today I spent TAWG once I got home! Felt fabulous. I must really do that everyday!
And then, I watched Parts 1-4 of TKA 20. I think it was really good. Haha. I'm a crazy romantic. Watch ISWAK (it started with a kiss) and the equally good sequel TKA (they kiss again) when you have the time, if you don't mind taiwanese chinese and mushy scenes. It's a good show and I think the acting's really good considering it's taiwanese!
Bathed, dinner, and then got down to do graphs (I've been slacking in math clearing my other homework!) Thank God my parents are more or less qualified to teach me stuff, maybe other than Chemistry (my mum's chinese ed), haha. God's been good la.
Anyway, after graphs, I did history with my parents. It was really fun. And because I turned off my laptop, I wasn't in a rush to get back into my room to see if any desperate soul needed urgent help online! XD
School today was good too. A highlight- Deborah Tang's letter! Haha, somehow she knows how to make me happy, aww... I'd really really like to go out with her and Sis Kassey after MYAs! Sentosa would be nice! *shrieks* haha, don't know la. Last year I barely went out! I can hardly believe that. Somehow I was so much more of a loner last year than this year. In a sense, it helps because it's easier to stay 'holy' when you're alon (like, how do you joke about sick stuff if you're alone! Or lie when you're alone!) but that's not the way to go, hehe.
I'm being really random here, but yesterday was really nice too, in the sense that Miyuki wrote me a very sweet computer note. It's an amazing feeling when you try hard to help someone grow in God, and the person grows. Of course, there's still a LONG journey ahead, but I believe that very often, the first steps are the hardest! (:
Discipling people is so fulfilling. Especially because God's always there! *grins*
And I will trust in the Lord,
Lean not on my own understanding,
In all my ways acknowledge Him.
Let Your will be done in my life,
Let Your will be done in my life.
Thank You Lord for bringing me back, again.

2008-04-26T22:19:00.000+08:00

AHHHH
TKA Episode 20 is tomorrow!
Whee, so exciting....
Tomorrow is such a, ahem, SPECIAL day.
Hah, don't you ever forget! XD
Ohwell, should go mug and do homework now, bye!

My Ship!

2008-04-26T20:25:00.001+08:00

Whee this is one of my options for list c! hehe, Dawn Upshore is good! (:

2008-04-24T19:33:00.000+08:00

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=19fd9c84c942a08316e0
This is a really impactful video.
It's really long, but it's turned my perspective around.
Suddenly, it has become so clear.
It's not just a narrow gate, it's a narrow path.

You HAVE to watch it.

2008-04-23T15:11:00.000+08:00

Today, although there IS MEP exam tomorrow, I decided to read IGNYTErs blogs.
Today, I realised how important it is to talk to people.

Honestly speaking, I've changed a big deal since coming to a girls school. I've played very defensive in terms of making friends. Being class chair doesn't help either, some how, it seems I come across as very aggressive and domineering. Recently I've been going around with Voon and Viv (ian! xD) They're really nice people, heh.

Haven't spoken to Deborah Tang for REALLY long. I really really want to!
I don't know if we can still speak to each other the same way as before, but I certainly hope so.

After MYAs, I'll call.

Back to Benn's blog. I would say that it really is encouraging. Her most recent post impacted me. How it did, I only have a vague idea. Oh well.

I should get back to studying for MEP now.
I know why these MYAs are so very important.

My parents have been worrying that I'm not coping (and so disallowing me to join worship.) Pastor Gary said that after multiplication, he wants me to ask my parents again.

About the choir thing, since it's only been there in theory and at the back of our minds, I think it's pretty much immaterial now.

Study hard, study for God.

I will seek to bring Your name glory.
I will seek to bring Your name honour.
I will seek to magnify your name in everything I do.
To give my life completely unto You.

1 Corinthians 10:31
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

For you will I press on, Jesus.